What Brings Us Home....

So many times we stray from the path that we are traveling.  Sometimes what distracts us is something that can bring insight, clarity, and maybe even a good lesson.  Yet most of the time it is something that simply just distracts us. 

     Over the last few years I feel like I have been distracted big time.  A number of things have been the culprit.  A few of them were I guess understandable: My husband's stroke in 2012, My mom's heart attack and open heart surgery in 2015, The birth of my eighth grand baby and name sake Gemma Jane in 2014... Those were all events which still have an effect on my time and  energy.  However that is life... It doesn't stop for us and wait until we are ready for it to start up again.  It continues to move... It continues to evolve.  

     During this time there has been moments for me... Sometimes those moments were few and far between but thankfully they were still there.  Just when I thought I could not go on anymore... like I would scream and never stop.... like I would just give up... that is when these "moments" would occur.  Oh I love how the world works... How the powers that be happen just at the right time... Pushing us to the brink of almost falling, almost giving up.  It is such times that help us to grow, help us to grow those wonderful callouses that helps us to get through life.  

     My rune making is one of the things that really helped me at these times... The working of the wood, the focusing on the symbols their meanings... They brought me a solace that was able to calm me.. .They brought me home... They brought me back to me.. 

Que Sera Sera

A while back I talked to you about the fact that this was my 50th year of life. I went on and on about how I was going to make the best of this year and do the things I wanted most. I spoke of the vigor I had, not only for life but also in energy and such.

I am wondering today where all that vigor has gone... I know I am getting older and I guess in some ways I have not or maybe do not want to actually face some facts.

I can no longer run the 50 yard dash as fast as I used to.

I bruise now when they take my blood at the doctors;

plus it is harder to find the vein to even take it in the first place.

I can no longer stay out to all hours of the night, drink myself into a stupor and get up and go to work the next day.

Weight is becoming my enemy. When I young I had the pleasure of being able to eat anything and everything I wanted with little recourse. I am well aware of where it is now.... My sizes tell me quite loudly. And losing it is not as easy as it once was.

Where I once tolerated my big melons when I was young even though they were cumbersome and often in the way, I have grown to dislike them intensely and want to trade them in for a smaller pair.

One would think that I had quite the negative attitude with all these statements. I will admit that there are times when I would not mind simply going to sleep and waking up when this was all over. Despite what some may think I am not always little sally sunshine. I will also admit that I do not like getting old or at least some of the things that it brings with it. But such is life and really it doesn't matter what I like or don't like.... it is what it is...

Yet I will admit that aging has also given me some awakenings that I was too blind to see when I was younger.

I don't need to run the 50 yard dash in record time. I never really was a track star anyway.

Although I bruise when I give blood, I do not have to do it often as I rarely go to the doctor unless it is for my allergies or to refill a prescription that has expired.

I never was one for staying out all night and getting snockered. A leisurely glass of wine on my back porch is really all I need. Unless of course it is a Muse concert. Then I seem to find the energy somewhere down deep and I could stay up dancing all night long.

I do not have to worry about my weight as much as when I was young. I caught the man I have wanted all these years and he loves me just like I am. And anyway if I finally do go through with saying farewell to the sisters that have been with me since Jr. High (way too early for big boobs, especially back then) the number that comes up on the scale will definately decrease. I know this why? Because a couple years back when I had the biopsy on my right breast, it was just a little piece and I could tell the difference.

When I turned 40 I remember talking to a woman about all the changes that seemed to be occurring to me after my 40th birthday. She only chuckled and said...

You think 40 is bad... wait til you turn 50.

Que Sera... Sera...

Full Moon Fever

A beautiful full moon could be seen this evening.  As in most colder months it was clear and crisp to the eye and the yellow hue was upon it.  As I watched it rise, I could not help but be amazed by its beauty... No matter how many full moons I watch rise I still can not get over how absolutely beautiful she always is.  Yet I am a moon child what can I say.  I love the sun in all its warmth and brillance yet the moon holds a special place in my heart.  It never fails each month for the few days before and after she is full I will awake in the night as she travels over the night sky.  Her glow shining through my window as if to beckon  me to come out and play with her.  I have sat many a night just gazing at her all alone.  She is definately a part of me. 

I also think that as she changes through each month that some of us feel her stronger than others.  The waxing and wanings of each month seem to hold more importance to our demeanors.  Also the new and full moon effect us in their special ways.  The full moon always has me at a heightened emotional state.  If I allow myself to lose track of this sometimes it can catch me off guard and cause the emotions to run even higher.  Also I tend to flow with the full moon so it is a fun time in my house whenever the moon is in all her glory....

I find it funny how women tend to be more moved by the moon than men.  Not that I think the moon does not effect the male species, I just think that as women are emotional creatures, likewise the moon holds that place.  Perhaps some of my highly emotional state is due to the season.  Although I have tried to keep myself busy and tell myself that all is well I know deep down that it is not as right as rain.  I am not a person to spill all her worries and woes out to others... A tough girl that is me... Yet so many of you have opened up and I have admired so your courage to do that.  It is friends that help one to get through such things.  Yet for those who know me best know I try my hardest to be an optimist.

I believe it can have a profound effect on ones situation.  I learned long ago it does nothing to worry.  Yet I have also learned that I do not lean on my friends enough.  Yet this was suppose to be a post about the moon wasn't it, not about me and my emotional state.....And like me it has become another rambling.  Yet it has been an odd day for me..not exactly sure why....Yet I will leave you with a wish for a warm night inside (as it is currently 33 here and terribly windy... brrr) with loved ones, and a nice night sleep.  And may you have clear skys so that you too can have a glimpse of the beautiful woman that graces our skys this evening...

Simplicity and the Art of Little

Autumn has settled in and it seems that life is finally slowing to a slower pace for the winter months ahead; although for some this is a time when it is quite the opposite.  The holidays approaching seems to create a frenzy in the air that there is not enough time to do anything.  Last year I was able to complete all of my Christmas shopping well before the beginning of December which gave me the entire month to do nothing but enjoy the holiday season.  I did this in many ways, most of which included cooking and my grand kids... It was a wonderful time. 

I promised myself at that time that  I would continue to try and do this each year as the alternative had been a mainstay of mine for many years prior and each holiday I could not wait for the season to be over and gone with.  This slower pace of life seemed to follow me not only last Christmas yet through this last year.  With Vincent's employment being connected to the Oil industry, work has definitely been slower and we have had much more time together than previously. 

At first this sort of drove me a bit crazy, as I was used to my alone time.  Yet as time passed we fell into a new nitch and became to enjoy the new lifestyle.   Over the last year we have been able to visit the grandkids more than we would have if he had been working (4 times to be exact).  We were also able to make a trip up to DC and visit with my son and his fiancee stretching our trip out to a weeks time which enabled us to see much more than we would have on a shorter trip.  We were able to work on our yard and improve it in many ways at a minimal cost as we had more time on our hands and could do much of the work ourselves.  It also gave us some time to both reflect on ourselves and what we each wanted out of life.  What our passions were and what we might like to pursue more of an interest in. 

I have to say that it was a bit of a strange year for me... As I had always been the kind of girl who felt that you had to be going full steam ahead to accomplish anything now or later... This slower pace of lifestyle has taught me much.  First and foremost I think it has taught me that one has to be sure that whatever they are pursuing in their lives in whatever manner that it is something, someone, etc... that makes them happy.  Something they enjoy, something they love.  Something that even when it is not the best of times you still can smile and know that it is your passion, it is your love....

The next lesson I learnt is that more is not always best... In fact most of the time it isn't anywhere near it.  The simple things in life are truly the most precious.  I know that none of us would be telling the truth if we were to say that we would not take a million dollars if it were handed over to us with no strings attached.  Yet, I do know that money is not everything and even more so it can sometimes only bring you more stress.  I love how in today's times  many are reverting to the old custom of bartering with one another... Giving one thing for another... Give my talents for your talents... It is so much simpler than $.  And it is more equally based many times. 

I am not sure what this next coming year has in store for us.  Vincent's work is still slow.  Yet each time I feel that I may have to return to the work force, something happens and it is no longer a necessity.  I have talked about change much these last couple months.  I still can feel the shift that is taking place.  Yet also I know that through much of this last year I have been prepared for what lies ahead.   I am not sure exactly what it is, yet the anticipation excites me greatly.  It has been a good thing to learn the importance of simplicity and the fullness of little.  It was a lesson I always knew.  I was just taken a bit off track by living the average life.  I am glad to be back where I know it is I should be.  Back to the earth and its energy; back to the center of it all.  At least now I know if I have to venture back into the rat race, I can now find my way back home.