The harder the conflict,

the more glorious the triumph. 

What we obtain too cheap, we esteem too lightly.

- Thomas Paine -

Forgiving Oneself - Truth #3

Forgiveness is not something that always comes easily. Depending on the act that was committed or the words that may have been said, forgiveness can take days, months, even years in some circumstances. Webster’s defines forgiveness as the act of ceasing to feel resentment against. Simple enough one would think, yet what if that resentment one may feel is against themselves. Often times we hold ourselves more accountable then we may others and therefore the act of forgiving ourselves can be an even harder chore to tackle.

This week’s “Truth” is :

 #3 – Something you need to forgive yourself for.

I will say that in earlier times in my life I was one who would take the blame for almost everything; something that I am not too proud to admit now. Yet as time has progressed and I have evolved or at least attempted to evolve, I have tried to not be so hard on myself. This simple act has helped me tremendously in growing as a human. Many years back not long after my divorce (1997) I read a book that would change my life forever: The Portable Coach by Thomas Leonard. I will be honest and say that I do not remember everything about the book yet 2 points stick out clearly still in my mind. One was the act of becoming incredibly selfish and the other was to tolerate nothing.

I was the kind of person at this time and before that both of these traits were far from anywhere in my life, yet the mere fact that I found it so difficult to do either meant that if I could do either even slightly it would make a world of difference for me. Thus, my transformation began. Yet what does this have to do with needing to forgive myself for anything you may ask. Nothing really except for the effect that it had on me in the manner of taking the blame for way more than I needed to which in turn helped me to start building myself up as a stronger and more balanced woman.

Over the years there have been things that I have chosen to do which after the fact I have rethought and wondered if they were the best choice for me. Yet one thing I learned some time ago was not to over second guess my decisions. They are decisions that have been made and the ability to go back and possibly change the outcome that came from them at the time they were made is in most cases close to impossible. Yes one can see the possible result of such decisions and in turn start at that time to go in a different direction yet the damage is usually already started and if a detour is needed it usually takes some time to get back on a clear and clean path.

Although there was an event in my life about 7 years ago that I have had a difficult time letting go and not blaming myself for in some way. I will start out this story by saying that this is extremely personal and on normal circumstances I usually do not openly share such things in such a open venue. Yet when I started this truth venture I promised myself that I would write whatever I felt led to write about. I have always had a strong belief that sometimes our experiences in life (good and bad) are meant to be shared so that others can glean from them what they may need. I know I have been given much comfort in the honesty of others. In saying that... Here is my story.

Without making this into what could easily become a novel size story I am going to condense some of the pre story. I have a feeling that with the fact that there are to be 30 truths that some of it will get filled in as the weeks pass by and other questions are answered.

In the fall of 2003 I was blessed with the news that I was with child. I will say that the fact that I was just about to turn 42 had me quite on edge when I realized that I would soon be raising a small child and that when that child turned 18 I would be the ripe old age of 60. What scared me even more was the fact that I was single and the father was not exactly in a place where he was eager to share my excitement. When I verified that indeed I was to have a baby, I kept the news to myself for the first few weeks.

Almost immediately I was joyful at the knowledge even though I was terrified at the same time. I had always enjoyed my time during pregnancy with my other three children and although I did not know what in the world I was going to do, I could not help but feel giddy and almost young again. Because of my age I went to a doctor soon after I knew for sure as I knew that my age could have some effect on everything. I really did not worry about it too much as I was never one to have any problems in any of my other pregnancies.

After I had taken care of the medical side of things, I prepared myself to tell my family the news. I knew that telling others would be difficult as here I was single and much older. All sorts of things raced through my head as to what they would think of me and how they would view me from that time forward. Yet the ones who worried me the most were my children. Telling them I knew would be the most difficult task of all. One by one I told those close to me; my mother, my sister, my boss and friends at work and yes my children.

I remember my oldest son being somewhat excited and even protective of me in regards to the baby’s father and his responsibility in the whole ordeal. Their acceptance of the event helped me tremendously and the more open I was with the pregnancy the better I felt. I was even to the point that I was glowing or so I liked to think I was. All those feelings from pregnancy that you get, the cravings, the feeling down deep in your tummy, they were all there and I could not help but be excited. I had had an initial ultrasound and all was ok. They were treating the pregnancy somewhat as a high risk due to my age and another ultrasound was scheduled after the first of the year.

I remember when I went in for it; I was so excited because there was the chance that we would know the sex of the child at that time. I had already accepted that it was a boy because I had been calling him Jonah for some time. When I went to the hospital the young tech greeted me and was so nice. The ultra sound started out just fine yet as it continued I could tell that something was not right. I kept asking questions yet he would tell me that he was not able to answer them and that I would need to talk directly to my doctor. Upon leaving the appointment a sinking feeling was beginning to develop in me. I could sense that something was not right. My doctor called me shortly after and asked if I could come into the office to discuss the findings.

When I arrived his gentleness said it all. He continued to tell me in his grandfather manner that the baby was no longer alive. He could not give me a definite reason as to what had happened or why yet that I had the choice to come in the following Monday and have it removed or allow it to pass naturally. I was in shock. I had just accepted the fact that I was a 42 year old single pregnant woman. I had shouted it to the world. I could not wait for the chance to be a mother again and somehow possibly redeem myself for any of the mistakes I had made the first time round. I had begun to finally feel good. And almost instantly it was over. He also told me at this time that the child was a boy, just like I had thought.

I decided to call him the following week with my decision and go home and process all that had occurred. He informed me that there was a possibility that I could pass the child before I saw him again and continued to tell me what to do if this happened. He wanted me to keep any remains that may pass and bring them to him first thing Monday morning so that he could examine them and be sure that the process had occurred as it should. He told me simply to place the remains in a zip lock bag and keep them in the refrigerator until I could bring them in.

I went home in shock and upon reaching home simply sat on my couch speechless. Much like he anticipated the process did start that weekend and I delivered Jonah. Nothing was harder for me than to take the tiny body and place it into the bag as he described and sit it in my refrigerator; spending all weekend knowing that he was there

For weeks after this I kept thinking what it was I may have done that made me lose Jonah. Was it that glass of wine I had before I knew I was pregnant? Was it the medicine I took? Was I on my feet too much? What could I have done that would have harmed him. I guess I thought I was super woman and that this pregnancy would be much like the other three I had over 18 years ago? It took years before I could not blame myself for Jonah’s passing or even really talk about it. I still wonder if there was anything I could have done that may have enabled the whole situation to come out differently. Yet over time I have learned that all things happen with some purpose and although I may not exactly know what that purpose may be I have to hold firm to that belief.

Have I forgiven myself? There are times when I can answer yes and then there are times and the tears well up inside me and I miss him so. He would be 6 years old today… He would be in first grade and of course be a wonderful child. As much as I can I have tried to forgive myself for this and hold on to the short time I did share with him and the sweet presence I feel from time to time knowing he’s always close by.

My Choice - A Little Rant

Approximately 13 years ago my life was at a point where I could no longer continue in the manner I had been for the previous 17 years. My marriage had evolved to a point where although I was willing to consider working to resolve any and all of the cracks that had grown through the years, I knew that it was a near to impossible thought. It is impossible to constructively work on any issues if both sides are not willing to give 100% in order to accomplish the task. I knew that I could no longer live in the manner in which I had been. I also knew that there were three kids who would also go on this crazy ride and this was possibly the one thing that almost made me stay and endure despite the slow erosion that I could see occurring to my being. Yet in the end I made the decision that I knew was the right one for myself.

I knew that if I was not to tend to myself and see that I had the possibility to be myself, I would never be able to give to my children all that I had inside of me. I had already kept from them so much of me through the early years of their lives because of the union I had been a part of. Thus I started my journey down this path that in the beginning looked to be the roughest I would ever choose. I remember many times when I sat in the dark and asked myself what had I done? Why had I left the “normalness” of my previous life? Why did I choose to be shunned by prior friends because of the rumors that my ex choose to spread? Why did I choose to lose any financial security I had. Why did I choose to let my children go through this ordeal?

Each time I sat there, by the end of my questioning I would always come to the same conclusion. I choose to do what I did because I could see no other way to get back any piece of myself that may still be there. For 17 years I had allowed my identity to be taken and put in a closet. I allowed my children to be born and raised to near their teenage years never really knowing who their mother was. All because I thought that eventually it would change. All because I thought that no one could be so selfish and uncaring.

In the beginning it was hard… It was close to impossible at times. The dark tunnels I traveled all alone had such a grip on me that I feared I would never find any glimmer of light that would eventually lead me to what I wanted so much to believe was somewhere out there for me. Of course I made some not so good choices. I am thankful that such choices did not devour me as they easily could have. I am not sure what exactly it was that gave me the strength to keep getting up each time I slipped back into the darkness. I just know that I did not want to remain there any longer. I did not want my children to remember me in such a way.

It has been 13 years since I started this journey. The road has eased much, yet still there are times when it lends memories of the past rough terrain. I am not sure if it will ever become absent of such travel yet its frequency has lessened greatly, occurring only unfortunately when the 3 children that started the journey with us are involved. Still it tugs at me as before. He always knew how to get to me the quickest…with my children. I will say that I am much better at dealing and responding to such action at this time in my life. Although difficult sometimes, I have to allow him his behavior. I have to be careful that he does not pull me into his drama and in his manipulative way form the outcome to appear that I am in the wrong.

This has forever been a fine line and will continue to be. Yet I have been through trials before in my life. I have learned that release is the best combative force one can use. To hold onto anger only creates bitterness. In the end, bitterness will only affect and damage me. It will never have any affect towards righting any of the wrongs that I feel may have been played against me. It will not demand any justice from him who initially caused this feeling inside of me. It will only sit deep inside of me. Covering me slowly with its blackness until eventually I would be consumed completely. Soon all whom I would care about would be affected by this disease. Soon because of its ugliness they would be tempted to keep their distance. Soon I would be all alone left only with my anger and the blackness it had created.

So I choose to release…to let go of the desire to get even or to get back when still he taunts me with his subtle ways. To ignore the attempts to still compete with me in regards to the children and now the grandchildren. Some may think that I should do something… Stand up for myself… And maybe someday if the fates allow me that perfect opportunity when I know that all is aligned as it should be I will speak the words that I should have said a long time ago. Yet until that moment comes, I will not allow his bitterness to affect me. I will move on with my life. I will enjoy the newness and joys that have replaced the prior. I will release my pain.

I have used this same method of dealing with unpleasant issues throughout my life. Some are done easily and quickly while others take a bit more time and sometimes are quite painful. Yet travel is so much easier when we choose not to take along any needless excess baggage that has no purpose on our journey. In the end only weighting us down and keeping us from many of the wonderful places we could see and experience if only we were not so burdened and worn by our heavy load. I can only speak for myself… yet I would like to see as much of this life as possible, especially the good stuff. Blessings to you all.

Sometimes... We Need Only Listen to Ourselves

Faith is an oasis in the heart

Which can never be reached by the caravan of thinking.

“Kahil Gibran”

When I read the quote above, I can only laugh. It is so true. It is not the endless thinking and dissecting of something that brings its message to us in a manner that allows it to illuminate our being and give us the feeling inside that we know it is right. It is that stir inside our heart, inside our soul, that tells us that this is the right road to be on and that this is the beginning of the journey that we truly want to travel. Another word for faith is intuition. Intuition is a gift that is all too often overlooked. Overlooked because many times it tells us things which are contrary to what we have had engrained into our minds to believe. We have that small quiet voice inside of us that urges us to take a turn, to choose something or believe something that is not quite in line with what we claim ourselves to represent. Yet we often ignore it because of what would others think? How would such a decision effect how I am perceived by those who look at me each day? Would it make them treat me any differently? Would it label me in a manner that could possibly separate me from others? Do I really want to stand up for this considering how it may eventually affect me?

Many times such decisions could very well do just that. And of course we would rather make sure that all those who look at us…. Let me rephrase that…. All those whom we think look at us feel comfortable. We would not want to upset their delicate life’s journey by changing our impact on it. Therefore we remain as we are. Even when we feel that it is not necessarily right. We can endure the indifference we may feel. We can endure the uncomfortable feelings of not choosing as our intuition leads us. All so that someone who more than likely could care less in regards to our final decision, will not have their life bothered. Of course there are times when those closest to you may balk at any attempt you may make to change. This is because a change will disrupt their environment and cause them to adjust. It is not necessarily because they care that they balk. It is not like they are certain that such a choice on your behalf is not a good one. It is more likely because it creates an uncomfortable feeling for them. Things are not flowing as before. They may be required to readjust themselves as well to accept the “new” you. This would mean change, goodness no.

Still when one is blessed with the gift of intuition we should heed its message. It is given for a good reason. So often we look at life as simple black and white. What we choose to do or not do is often if not always based on what we see, hear, smell, etc. It is based on that which we can describe and show some form of reasoning for. Yet when we allow intuition to play a role in such a decision we are basing our final outcome on a something that cannot quite be described. It is a sense within us that this is the right answer even if every other sense is telling us the opposite. It is what some call a gut feeling. It cannot be described in a manner that is acceptable to most because of the lack of facts that back it up. It can only be described as a feeling and because it is your feeling it is difficult to convey that exact feeling to another in a manner that they too would experience the same thing.

Intuition is given to us as a sense unto itself, although it is often not looked at in this manner. A good example of this is the example of a small child. A child has such a trusting nature. They have the ability to look at a situation and see it for what it truly is. Their eyes have not yet been clouded by the rules and regulations that are often given to everyone eventually. You know what I am speaking of; the rules that slowly form us into “what we are supposed to be”. Children, especially young ones, have not allowed these rules to penetrate them yet. Therefore they see with open eyes… Their intuition is vivid and strong. It is not only felt and viewed as true; it is also seen and heard. It is still a true sense. There is no question as to its validity as it is proven by all that is around.

It is time that we allow ourselves to trust that which has been lacking from our senses for so long. It is time that we open our minds to the messages that come to us daily telling us what is true and what is right. It is time we trust that small quiet voice inside. It is there for a reason. It is there to help guide us where we need to go. I am in no means saying that we should disregard the words of counsel that we receive from friend, family, and others. It is just that we should likewise take into account our own words that lie within ourselves. Sometimes the answer to the questions we seek so diligently is already answered and sitting right inside of us.

An Open Mind

I have always been one who ponders… Some call it a thinker. You know the one who takes something and examines it relentlessly attempting to figure its mechanisms out so that they can understand how exactly it all works. With something that is solid and can be held in one’s hands this is not necessarily a bad thing. Yet when applied to a simple thought or act it can become a quite enormous feat. Some things are just as simple as they may appear. They need no elaborate thought process to bring them into light for us to see their clarity.

 

We have what we seek…

It is there all the time, and if we give it time…

It will make itself known to us

“Thomas Merton”

Still I will think on it…attempting to look at it from all sides and perspectives. As time has passed in my life this process has brought me much insight on certain issues… especially when it comes to seeing it from a perspective other than my own. It is hard sometimes to do this. Most of us feel quite passionate about our views and feel that we have examined it to the point that we know enough of the facts to make our final decision. Yet I have learned there are often other sides, other views, which I have at times not taken into consideration. This simple realization has taken me leaps and bounds ahead of where I began within my journey in life. It has also helped me to understand others as well as myself more. Most people are quite willing to discuss their ideas and views if they do not feel that they are being threatened when doing so. Given the right approach two people with quite different views on a said subject can comfortably sit and discuss it and in the end both come out with new insight.

The way is not in the sky,

The way is in the heart.

“Buddha”

There is so much wisdom out in the world…wisdom which comes from so many walks of life. It is sad to think that there are so many who will never gain from such wisdom because they have chosen to keep a closed mind in regards to certain individuals based simply on their beliefs, race, and/or culture. What is it that keeps one from listening? Could it possibly be a feeling that in doing so they may forfeit some of themselves and lose credibility? Maybe it is the loss of power they feel they will lose if they give any of their ground away. Power plays such a large part in so many struggles. Even when one feels that they are not right and they know that the opposing side holds good points and is in the end the better choice, they will fight for what they represent simply because they do not wish to lose. Why is it that we “enjoy” telling others what is right and what is wrong. Why do we feel such power in being the one who has the last say? Quite possibly because deep down all of us want to have some form of importance to ourselves. We want to feel as if our participation is needed and at times even non-replaceable. Truth is though that any of us can be replaced at any time. True there are some who have such talents that replacement could be a bit of a challenge yet in the end the job can be filled if needed.

It is an individual decision that each one has to make. The decision as to how open we will be to the things around us. Will we open our minds and allow thoughts that are different than our own to be heard? Will we consider the affects that such thoughts could bring? Will we even go as far as to consider the negativity that our own thoughts could bring? Taking it even a step further and changing our thought process if needed, despite the fact that it could shun us from some of those around us. Will we give up the control so that the right thing can eventually be accomplished?

Hopefully so… Hopefully as time continues a new awakening will emerge and the desire to have “my way” or no way will subside. We will finally see the need to work together for the common good as opposed to each struggling to get our own way at whatever the cost may be. Maybe it is just my overly optimistic outlook that helps me to feel that it will eventually be a reality. Yet I hope it is a glimpse at the evolution of man to come. For it is truly in all of us to be such creatures….If we choose to be.

A Positive Attitude

Recently in one of my journeys through blogland I ventured upon a quote used a post on one of my favorite sites to frequent (Rue & Hyssop). She always has insightful words that manage to make one think and this was no different. I wrote the quote down and it lay on my desk for some time. Each day I would see its wisdom and realize how true it rang.

“For everything you missed… You have gained something else

And for everything you gain…. You lose something else

It is about your outlook towards life.

You can choose to Regret…. Or you can choose to Rejoice

How many times has something happened that at the time it appears to be one if not the worst thing that could have occurred? You rack you brain as to how it could have been avoided and what you will do now that it has happened. Yet in time as it comes to fruition you see that there was purpose to the cycle… Something occurs that would not have occurred if the prior “mishap” had not occurred.

There is always something positive in any situation. Sometimes it is hard to see the silver lining that may be so faint that the darkness of the clouds that it encircles keeps you from focusing on it. Yet still it is present. Sometimes it is not immediate that you are blessed with the goodness of a situation. Sometimes it can take time… Sometime it can take years….. Sometimes you may never see it… yet it is still present. Sometimes the gain is not necessarily for you, yet for another. Who through your trial and manner in which you handle and work through it, are inspired in an area of their lives to do likewise.

For those times that you feel you missed out on something that you should have had… and you wonder what it would have been like to have experienced it… There is another time that was given to you instead. A moment with just as much hope and just as much aspiration as the other… It may not be evident at that moment. Yet the question is what you will do with that moment. Will you squander it and give little or no attention to it as it was not “the moment” that you wanted or felt you deserved. You will sulk and hide in your corner for those things that you feel you lost. Blaming it on some unfair injustice that should never have happened?

It is not an easy thing to endure hard times. Such things as finances, relationships, and so on can come close to devastating one. Yet still the attitude that one holds during such times has a strong effect on how the story will play out. An attitude of bitterness and blame slowly builds walls that hold out the comfort and release one needs to work through such issues and move on with their lives. It keeps the anger always present and lurking in the shadows… never allowing the pain to heal. Sometimes release of such feelings can be a major feat. Letting go of something that has been your way of life for such a long time means change… Change means the possibility of discomfort… And although one may be in major discomfort already… The familiar discomfort is much easier to handle than an all together new discomfort.

I count myself so blessed to have the makeup that I have as a person. It took me some time to realize that it was not as easy for some to release such feelings. It was my feeling of not much self worth that thought that if I could do it anyone could. I realized in time that this was not the case. I will be honest and say that at times I do not have the patience I maybe should have in regards to some who are struggling with issues in their lives. Yet I think that this is mainly because I made a decision at an extremely young age to not allow the derogatory events of my life to keep me down. Don’t get me wrong… it was not an easy task at times to keep this promise to myself. There were many times that I felt I was lost in the darkness of my own sorrow to the point that I questioned if I would ever see light. Yet it was the consistent urge in me to keep going…The feeling that has always been in me that there is something better.

I do not talk much about the negative aspects of my life… I have never been one that opens freely and tosses out all the darkness that has occurred. I will at times, if I feel that my experiences can be a tool to comfort of help the situation. Yet mostly I keep them silent. It was hard enough to live through them the first time. Why would I want to continually relive such pain over and over… and even more when there is no good reason to endure such a thing?

I challenge you to ask yourself the question… Do you regret or do you rejoice… There are a couple things in my life that I have wondered about in regards to the choice I made and the results of that choice. I wonder if I should have chosen differently. I think if given the chance I may choose differently. Yet I also know that that is not a choice therefore it is an act I must accept and live with. I overall chose to rejoice. Rejoice in the chances I have been given… Rejoice in the blessings that have been bestowed upon me over and over again… and yes I even rejoice for the trials and pain that I have endured. As I know through even the deepest ones that there was much to be learned and gained.

Growth can be a painful experience. It can pull at parts of one that create great pain. It can take you to depths of yourself that you never thought existed. It can bring forth in one a clarity that is beyond explanation. There is nothing that is simply promised to be given to you. The road to any great gain is usually hard. Yet in the end when all is said and done the journey was well worth the effort and the sacrifice that was given. Rejoice… Rejoice and embrace all that you are… and all that you can be.

I'm A Believer

Last week I felt inclined to post ( Seek and You Shall Find ) in regards to a show I had watched entitled "Letting Go of God."  A story about a devout Catholic who eventually through seeking for answers she became a devout atheist. Many of the comments made in regards to this post kept me thinking still about the question of what one believes.

What makes it right… what makes it wrong. Personally I do not believe that anything makes it wrong. If I wish for others to accept me and my beliefs, what right do I have to not accept them if their beliefs may be different than mine. In my opinion, I have no rights.

Floating around blog land is a so called movement entitled "Project Pagan Enough" The details can be found over at Inciting A Riot. It is one person’s pilgrimage to show other pagan’s the issue of accepting their own kind. I will be the first to admit that although I call myself Pagan, I have at many times not felt so. Why, you may ask? Well mainly because I do not do all the things that many other “Pagans” do. I choose the name of Pagan as I felt that my beliefs and the path that I felt my heart was taking me down was not necessarily in accordance with Christianity and the doctrine they follow.

I had come to a point in my journey where I could no longer claim one thing (or perhaps wear the mask) and yet feel so strongly contrary to it. I will admit that there are many of my beliefs that still intermingle with what many pagans would consider Christian. It is hard for me to completely take some of these traits from me as they have been with me over time and in many ways have proven themselves in my eyes to be truthful. The thin line that I feel I sometimes walk between the two is at times extremely narrow or so I thought.

Over the weekend my heart continued to ponder this issue. I came to the conclusion that I had misinterpreted the situation and what it truly is. Yes there are Christians who I am sure would have issues with my beliefs and the manner that I choose to practice. Yet there are also ones who understand that this is what works best for me. It is my road and my journey. They do not judge what I feel I have found in my quest and therefore there is no friction between us. Likewise there are Pagans who have issues with my deviance from what they may see as the true path and the intermingling of traits they see in my belief and practices. Yet also there are those who accept me freely as another who is striving like them to find the best answers they can in the questions that life seems to give us daily.

I have come to realize that the discord that I felt at times in the church is also apparent in the pagan society. Just like the church has those who sit and look down their noses at others whom they feel do not measure up to the qualities they see themselves with. There are also Pagans who feel that unless one speaks the perfect words and performs the rituals in a specific manner that they also do not deserve the right to call themselves as they do.

I worked once as a church secretary. For four years I sat in the office and watched, being the observer that I am, as members of the church came and went. I saw things that many of the regular members of the church never seen. In many ways I am so glad that they never will, as it would have only caused them to wavier in their walk. I was told things by elders and the elite that I would have never expected to come from one who supposedly held such a position. By the time I left the church these as well as other events made me greatly question myself and the intentions I may have before I performed any act in the name of whom I claimed to follow.

I think this is why I so cling to the role of solitary when one ask me what I consider myself. I have never felt comfortable in calling myself a witch. Yet in ways I feel many of us are just that even though we do not realize it. I believe in magic and many things that are unseen and unexplainable. I do so because I have seen it with my own eyes, I have witnessed it personally. Many things to the extent that to tell some of my experiences, I think would even make some pagans think me mad.

I believe that there are many out there who feel much like me. Who are only trying to search for what they feel fills that void that enters us all at some point in our lives. There are many who want to tell us what it is we should believe… what it is we should do… and exactly how we should do it. There are those that if we stray from such instructions, they consider us unworthy of the name they call themselves. For some time I have felt uncomfortable in calling myself Christian. I know in my heart that it is a title I will no longer use. Yet I also feel somewhat uncomfortable with the title of Pagan. I know that I do not do all the rites and rituals that many talk about. I know that I do not worship the gods and goddesses that many speak of. I had to ask myself then what am I?

In conclusion I can only say that I am a believer. I believe in what I what believe in. I trust its truth and know its validity. I do not try to explain that which I cannot explain. I leave that for the Gods who will in time show me if that be their will. I am content with that. I do not need to feel superior to the point that I define my walk as the only true way. The only true path there may be. There are many paths and there are many followers… how can we all walk on the same road at the same time. It is not possible. Our destination is the same, we just choose to follow different methods to eventually arrive.

I encourage you to stop by the Project Pagan Enough. I encourage Pagan and non-Pagan alike. As this is not an issue that pertains to Pagans alone. It is an issue of acceptance. Acceptance of one another for who and what they are. Of not needing to claim ourselves better than others simply because they do not believe or think as we. We are all made up of what comes and goes from our lives on a daily basis. Even for those in the same boat the experience will be viewed from differing perspectives. One will not see the experience the exact same way the other does. We all experience our spiritualism in much the same manner, or so we should be allowed to. Moments will come when we are all given an opportunity to aid others in their walk, just as others have aided us. Yet it is not our place to pass judgment if by chance they do not take the aid we offer or they choose to alter it to fit them. We truly all are Pagan Enough.