An Invitation for Yew

As many of you know one of the reasons that I have been infrequent with blogging the last year or so is that I have been giving more time to my Etsy site.  When Vincent had his stroke in February of 2012 much of my year swept by me in what could be described as a whirlwind.  It seemed that the first few months were somewhat of a blur and before I knew it was fall. 

 

It was working with my runes that gave me much of the solace I needed during this time as well as a well needed communion with nature again.  I am one of those kind of people that get excited when I get to dig in the dirt and feel it fall between my fingers or smell its rich aroma.  The same can be said for when I work with wood.  Yet I found that working with natural wood (directly from the tree) gave me even more.  I had never really thought of myself as a wood worker yet always back in the depths of me there was this yearning to be.

 

My Celtic Tree blogs also were something that helped to add to my love of the tree.  I look at trees as not just an access to an abundance of wood.  Personally I prefer them to give the wood to me and then work with it. This is what I have tried faithfully to do in all of my adventures.  Yet there are times when I feel that the act of them giving themselves to me involves me actually taking a branch from them.  

Last October I was asked to craft a set of runes for a woman back east.  She was not sure what type of wood she wanted so I did not start to craft them immediately.  We corresponded back and forth discussing the various varieties and their attributes.  I did not think much of it at first but as time continued I began to wonder. 

I just finished her runes last night as I charged them by the full moon.  Yes it took almost 6 months.  The wood eventually decided upon was Yew.  She even sent me a branch from the tree in her yard.  It was the first encounter I had had with this kind of tree or this kind of wood.  Yet it was love at first sight.  I began researching the Yew when I learned of her choice and at first I have to say was a bit apprehensive.  There were many articles warning of the poisonous traits it carried.  I wondered if I should even attempt it.  Yet likewise I found articles that assured me by others who had worked with it that I would be glad I did.  They were all careful to tell me to take the necessary safety precautions.  Which of course I did.

 

When the branch arrived in the mail I was in awe.  An evergreen with the most delicate leaves and branches.  I was able to get two sets of runes from the branch as well as some cuts for bind runes, wands, oghams, and more. Why am I telling you this you may ask

 

Well I believe that each experience is given to us to learn from. That is of course if we listen with a good ear.  In the following weeks I wish to share with you some of what I have learned about the ever sacred Yew.  I hope that you will stop by on occasion to take part in this part of my lesson.  Till then I wish you a wonderful Thursday and many blessings. 

Little Blessings

Life never ceases to amaze me.  Whether it be in huge unavoidable manners that one can not help but see the cosmic clarity of or the small simple moments that come at even a more constant rate.  The later unfortunately we seem to miss all too often.  The volume of life is usually turned up way too loud. Such little noises that come along get drowned out and over looked.  Yet there are moments when silence is there and we are able to enjoy such wonderful tender notes.  It seems that this spring has been blessed with such tiny notes of laughter, color and simple bliss.  

I refused to believe that spring could have sprung so early.  Yet the more I see around me the more I can not help but be convinced that I may actually be wrong.  I still find myself crossing my fingers in hopes that a late visit from old man winter does not surprise us all and make the blanket of green spotted with purples, yellows and blues disappear.  

The days have been filled with fluffy white clouds laced with grey from the possibility of rain; tiny fingerlings of green sprouting out on the willows promising the soon arrival of leaves that will dance in the wind; buds of pink and purple with dots of blue  which line the bank of the pond where the tulips have sprouted and the grape hyacinth have decided to join their dance.  Needless to say Spring has definitely sprung.

  

It has been such things that have seemed to be my saving grace as of late.  The last two months have been eventful to say the least .  Vincent and I have found ourselves facing experiences that neither of us would have ever expected before they befell us. Each moment we feel that we may be seeing an end a new issue arises and we are reminded that sometimes patience is all that one can ask for.  

I  have always been one who welcomes a new life lesson.  Mind you I try hard not to request them as that is as silly as praying for patience.  Yet still when one comes along, although I may find myself whining in the beginning, I come around and am glad for the chance to learn more about life and all it has to offer.  When I take a few steps back and look at the situation in a whole I know that it could be so much worse than it appears at times.  Although I will say that when you are sailing along on calm waters, your hand lazily hung over the edge of the boat feeling the cool water as it slowly passes beneath you, and suddenly you are awaken by a change in current and realize that calm stream is leading straight to a waterfall.  Well lets just say that you are taken a bit by surprise.  

I am thankful though for the little things that have made themselves known to me throughout it all.  For it has been these little blessings that have helped me to get through much of it.  From the newness of spring to the birth of a new great niece to the wonderful words of encouragement from so many of my blog friends; I have truly been showered with blessings. 

 

It can be easy at times of difficulty and challenge in our lives to take a stance of self pity and negativity; To just sit down in our little puddle of mud and refuse to continue.   Yet eventually we will need to once again stand up and continue on; that is if we want to get out of the experience we may be in at the time. 

 

Nothing lasts forever – thank goodness.  Eventually everything will pass making way for yet another new adventure in our lives.  Some are good some are not so good.  Yet there is one thing that we can always be sure of.  Along the way of whatever may befall us, good or bad, we will be blessed with little blessings.  That is if we take the time to be still… open our eyes… look for them.. and listen.  Life is a never ending adventure of ups and downs each with its own special gift of enjoyment, sorrow, laughter and pain.  For those who refuse to embrace all that it has to offer, whether good or bad, has no idea what they are missing out on. 

 

Blessings to you and yours.

In human life there is constant change of fortune;

It is unreasonable

to expect an exemption from the common fate.

Life itself decays,

and all things are daily changing.

You can find energizing moments

in each aspect of your life;

 

But to do so

you must learn how to catch them,

hold on to them,

to feel the pull of their weight

and allow yourself to follow where they lead.

Marcus
Plutarch

Eat Pray and Love - Something to Ponder

I will be honest and say that I am not one that reads as much as I probably should. Although my taste for the written word has grown in my later years, I always seems to fall asleep (or want to) if I try and curl up with a good book. There has been a few that once I opened the cover I was unable to put it down and carried with me everywhere until I finally finished the last word. I love a book that grabs me in such a way.

A book that is a good example of this was “Eat Pray Love” by Elizabeth Gilbert. I loved this book from the moment I picked it up. It was probably because I could relate to it in so many ways… I understood the frustration she had in the beginning of the book when she struggled with the possibility and eventual divorce from her husband. Her desire to travel to “find herself” also appealed to me.

Not only did she decide she would travel, she traveled to three of my favorite places as well as made it her quest to explore three areas of her life that she felt strongly about; food, her spiritual side, and love. I know that they have made the book into a movie which has recently come out. I have mixed feelings as to whether I wish to go and see it or not. One reason is because movies never seem to truly do a book justice and end up leaving you disappointed. I think this is mainly because when one reads a book they bring with them their own imagination. This in turn creates a fantasy land in one’s head of what they envision the story to look like, smell like and taste like. It is impossible for any movie to fit this interpretation of so many that would go and see it, therefore there will always be those who are not satisfied with the manner it was told in.

I loved the whole concept of “Eat Pray Love”. It got me to thinking about what I would consider my eat, pray, and love . Then as if we were on the same wavelength, I was clicking channels and landed on Oprah. She had Julia Roberts and Elizabeth Gilbert on her show and they were discussing the movie and were talking about that very thing. I guess great minds do think alike. Ha!!

What is my Eat… what is my Pray… and what is my love…. I would have to say that finding what my “Eat” is could be quite difficult. I have always been one who loves to eat. The main reason it thrills me so (and believe me it can thrill me) is that I love the intense flavors that one can find. I will try anything at least one time because I have learned that you never judge anything simply by its looks. (Especially food) Yet to choose a favorite in the vast selection is close to impossible. Last night it was the pepper crusted rare Ahi Tuna I had….. It was heavenly… yet a few days ago it was the homemade vanilla sugar that I simply ate by dipping my finger into the jar over and over. I am not sure where I would go to explore this side of me as I have found wonderful food in so many places… Yet I guess Italy would not be a bad place to start… Rich tasty homemade mamma food in so many places…. Beautiful country side and extremely good looking men… How could one go wrong with all that to choose from?

My Pray is an easy one…. It would have to be the peaceful serenity of nature. I find such tranquility in my yard and communing with everything that is not manmade. The simple sounds, smells and sights are more precious than anything that can be bought or made. When I feel myself overwhelmed in any sense of the word and I know that I need some time to relax and escape to my sanctuary, I head for the loving arms of Mother Nature. She is always there with her gentle ways no matter the season, no matter the time. In the quiet stillness of morning before all else awakens she stirs. In the heat of a noon day when the sun is high and the day is in full swing. In the slowing down of the afternoon and early eve when it seems that she begins to gather things in for the day. And lastly, during the night, when the stars and moon illuminate the world and a different side of her is shown. She never ceases to amaze me with her ability to bring me to that place where I need to be. To see that answer that I may be trying so hard to find and don’t until I stop and sit with her in silence for a while. My sanctuary, my church, my pray…. Is definitely, communing with the earth and sky.

My love… another easy answer. I love my Vincent and quite honestly he is probably the love of my life. Of course he can drive me nuts, yet over time I have learned that seldom can two be together nonstop 24/7 and not. Yet he accepts me for me and does not in any way attempt to change me. That is what I love most. No matter how silly, corny, or far out there I may be, he listens and makes me feel as if I am as sane as him; which may not necessarily be that sane. Also my grandkids, they likewise take me for who and what I am and love me all the more. They share with me their wide open minds and we ponder the mysteries of the universe together at times… They help me to keep the fact fresh in my mind that there is always something new in the world and that to notice the little things is what keeps us young. My children also have brought much love into my life. From the time they themselves were wee ones until now when they have grown and moved on with their own lives and values. There have been struggles and I am sure there will be more yet we have slowly learned to be accepting and understand that besides being family we are also people. They have taught me to listen more, and also that I do not always have to be the momma… Sometimes I am just another person across the table.

So in closing I ask you, what is your Eat Pray and Love. Something to think about and quite honestly it can really brings some sides of you out that you may not have thought of before. If you have not read the book “Eat Pray Love” by Elizabeth Gilbert and especially if you are female I urge you to do so.

I think if the book had not been such a favorite of mine I would not be so indifferent about seeing it, yet here I am. So when it all comes down to it I more than likely will not go and see the movie. Yet who knows… never say never.

My Life Six Years Ago - Concluded (yet still contiuring)

A little history may need to be in order to explain the relevancy of the words, Vincent Sheik. As I was growing up in the small rural town of Oklahoma I called home, one of the beauties was the fact that most everyone knew everyone. This was also a curse at times, yet that is another story. Being the youngest in my family meant that I gave my older sister and brother grief at times for various reasons. My sister mainly because I was just young enough to be nothing more than a nuisance when I wanted to tag along with her and her friends . My brother because I always thought his friends were cute, well at least most of them.

One in particular caught my eye at a very early age. He was tall and had hair that was the color of ready to harvest wheat. His name… of course was Vincent Sheik. I knew at the ripe age of 7 that I wanted to marry that boy one day. Although at that age I don’t know if I knew exactly what that really meant. He was my brothers’ best friend and so he was a mainstay in our household. Although I was not sure if he ever even noticed me I was able to gaze upon him with those lovesick puppy eyes. As the years passed he grew even more in height and good looks. Yet life seemed to take us both into different directions and one hot day in 1980 as I watched him from the kitchen window of my brothers’ home working in the back yard with my brother, I realized that the dream I had as a 7 year old girl was probably not going to come true. 

He had already married another and moved on with his life and I had been far too timid to have ever given him any inclination of my true feelings. So I bid him adieu yet always kept a tiny ember alive deep inside me as still I had that feeling that he was my true love. So when I hear his name spoken that day in my mother’s living room during the gathering for my sister’s funeral, it once more brought that ember alive so to speak although it had been almost 25 years since I had last laid eyes on him.

I rose from chair I had claimed as my sanctuary and proceeded to go to the front porch to see this man whom had held this tender piece of my heart for so long. He looked no different than last I saw him, although in truth he had aged by almost 25 years and put on a few pounds. He was talking to my brother when I arrived and as he turned to greet me, he grabbed me and hugged me like I do not think I had ever been hugged before. His tall 6 foot 5 stature embraced me and seemed to completely engulf me. I did not want the feeling to end. It took the grief that I had been feeling only moments before and completely seemed to make it dissipate to nothing. His smile shown down on me and wrapped me in a blanket that has not since been taken off of my shoulders.

He stayed for hours and visited. What others had tried so hard to do he managed to accomplish in a instant. He had finally gotten me to smile and to somehow shake a little of the heartache that had been looming about me. The next couple days were so much more tolerable because of his presence. From the moment we saw each other we became inseparable. I found myself feeling guilty somewhat because I was so happy at a time when I should be more remorseful. However as time passed I realized that in some way my sister had brought us together.

Vincent and I have been together ever since that day. We truly have been inseparable. The tiny little ember that was still alive deep within me is a blazing fire today. Those dreams that danced about in the heart and mind of that little 7 year old girl knew exactly what she wanted and what eventually she would have. The timing was just a bit off.

Each year at this time I stop and think about my sister Rosie and what she gave me before and what she still gives me today. I still miss her just as much as I did back then. I still keep her phone numbers on my cell phone although I know that if I were to call them that a totally different person would answer. I still talk to her as if she were with me still. And more than anything I still thank her for being my big sister and giving me the man I have always truly loved. One can find goodness even in one’s darkest hour. And although we do not always understand all the reasons that life takes the twists and turns that it does sometimes, there is an eventual outcome. Sometime what we see as the worst things to occur as time passes and we reflect back onto their memories we may look at them in a totally different perspective.

Yes, Rosie was a fighter. Yes, she loved life and those around her. Yet she was not without her share of trials and struggles. Her life was not always a happy one and she had endured much pain. She held it back well and covered it with the mask of smiles that we Morrison women wear so well. Yet deep inside, she carried some deep wounds. I like to think that she is in a happier place now. I am sure she wears a beautiful pair of wings that often wrap around others to shield and protect them from some of the harms that fell her way as a child as well as a woman. I have often felt sad as I do not feel that I sense her presence as much as I would like to. Yet as time has passed I have come to realize that the reason for this is probably because she knows I am ok. She gave me my gift when she departed. She gave me Vince to take care of me and watch over me in her absence. She is off taking care of those who do not have the blessing that I was given. She is taking care of those who are alone. She is someone else’s big sister, someone else’s angel.

My Life Six Years Ago - Part Two

I walked about in a daze the rest of the evening. I think the only thing I managed to do was make a few calls to my kids to give them the news. I do not even remember if I cried. Being the repressor I am most of those memories were tucked safely away so that I did not and do not need to recount them.

The next day for some reason, who knows why, I went to work. I stumbled about in somewhat of a haze. Trying to gather and organize things for when I was gone. I remember sitting at my desk somewhat scattered brained when a friend came and asked me what was wrong. I broke down and blurted out that my sister had passed the night before. She looked at me in her stern way and asked me what the hell I was doing at work. I didn’t know what to say; some way of keeping my life normal perhaps. She promised to take care of things and urged me to go home which I did.

Now one thing I should put in here is that at this time in my life I was driving 150 miles each way to and from work each day. I had chosen to move back and help my daughter out who had a baby and was putting herself through nursing school. When I arrived back home I packed my bags and started out to my mother’s home which was another 150 miles away. The time on the road alone gave me a lot of time to think. I am not sure if it was a smart thing for me to be on the road when I was in such a state, yet with someone watching over me, I managed to travel safely at all times.

When I reached my mother’s home I was greeted by other family members and friends. The usual activities were in high swing and my main concern was to help my mother to cope with everything. She is not a woman who shows her feelings well or really enjoys others around when and if she does. I knew that this commotion would be driving her crazy. I managed to clear the house of most of those who did not necessarily need to be there. I thanked them for their concern and well wishes and sent them on their way. The silence was a blessing.

The same routine continued for the remainder of the day as well as into the next day. It is not that I did not appreciate the well meaning words and comfort that was being offered by those who come to offer their comfort; it was just that at this time in my life I was alone with no significant other and therefore no one to lean on when times might get a bit rough. I am not what one would call someone who easily opens up to any who I do not feel overly comfortable with. So much of my grief was being forced to be kept inside of myself until I had a moment to somehow sort and deal with it on my own.

I talked casually with those who came by yet finally I had had my fill and went and sat down in a chair in the living room. I remember at that moment feeling like the world was never going to ever be the same for me again. My big sister was gone; the one who was always there for me and who I felt that I could talk and confide in about anything. We had just begun a journey that felt like it would have brought us so much closer together and now it was over. There was no more chance of it evolving into anything more.

I felt at that moment like I was at the bottom of all the places I had ever been too. I watched the people around me and vaguely heard the words that seem to come from their mouths as they walked around and interacted with one another. The man whom my sister had been married to and had only recently divorced, sat on the sofa across the room from me. I sat and wondered if he knew just how much he had tore her heart and how much he had made her cry. Yet I also knew that she loved him with all her heart and would want him to be here with us. I watched the ones who came in with warm wishes and hugs. I watched the ones who came just to see what was going on and maybe get a piece of the infamous funeral cake that they knew was on the dining table. I wanted to curl up into a tiny ball and just disappear and no longer have to deal with the entire circus that seemed to be taking place in front of me.

It was at this moment of desperation that I heard my other sister as she strolled into the front door speaking the words that would change my life from that point forward. “Guess who just drove up, Vincent sheik. (To be continued….)

Life Six Years Ago - Part One

Six years ago I lost someone who was very special to me. As in most cases you don’t really realize just how important someone or thing is until they are gone and you realize the gap that is left in your life from that point forward. It was a sudden occurrence. Something that was completely unsuspected and no warnings were given at all. I would like to say it was a terrible accident and in some strange way a bit of myself could possibly blame the tragedy of such an act on something or someone else yet it was not.

It was like any other August day, hot and eventful. I had spoken to my sister the night before as we had done on most Sunday evenings before the start of the next week. We would discuss our prior week and also the week to come and what wonderful things we had in store. At this time in our lives the events that came about were not necessarily the most wonderful; which made the conversations even that much more meaningful. She had recently gone through a rough divorce with a man that I know she still was very much in love with. As with any breakup of a relationship it was a long story. She had not taken the whole ordeal well and struggled with many of the aspects of the results of such a mess.

She had not been feeling good as of late yet she wrote much of her strain and stress off to the remnants of the ordeal she was going through. Yet the last week she was even more tired and lacked the energy to even do the simplest things. Yes, depression can do such things to you we both knew yet it seemed that possible there was something else that may be occurring and it would not hurt for her to have herself checked out just for safety purposes. She had made an appointment with the doctor the following Monday and was giving me the details. We chatted further about other trivial matters then promised to speak the next evening.

Of course all the usual things were spoken between us. The promises were made to call the next day; as well as the I love yous. The next day went as usual. I went to work and had a typical Monday morning, slow to start and blah as most Mondays were. I remember taking work home that evening because the day was so busy. I was working on my “homework” when I received the phone call. It was from my mother. Now a phone call from my mother was unusual in itself as she is not one to call out of the blue. I picked up the phone and the voice I heard on the other end was shaky to say the least. She kept saying my name yet nothing else.

Eventually another person came on the phone and simply said the words, Rosie is gone she is not with us no more. I did not know what to say and the coldness of the person who gave me the news that my oldest sister had just passed struck me like a 2 x 4 being swung up against my head. I asked for details yet the cold response continued. My mother was in no shape to discuss any of the current developments so I was simply left with she is gone. As I hung up the phone I sat in silence, dumbfounded and alone.

I had attempted to call my sister earlier on my way home from work to talk about the results of her dr. visit as I drove home yet received no answer. I assumed that I could chat with her later in the evening and get all the details then. That possibility was no longer there anymore.

I would later find out that she had gone to the doctor for her appointment yet never made it in to see him. On her check in with the receptionist, she had gone to the bathroom before she went in to see him. She was found some time later passed in a restroom stall. She had been there for some time and at the immediate time of her discovery it was unsure of what her cause of death was. It would be months before we found out that she was riddled with cancer inside and all of it had finally caught up with her. I think also that because of many of the things that had transpired in her life (the divorce especially and the loss of the man she truly loved) had left her with a feeling of no longer wishing to fight.

Did she know about any of this? No one really knows if she did. If she did she never let on to any of those around her; not to her friends, family, ex husband, or even her four grown boys. Yet Rosie was a fighter and someone who would not have troubled others with her tragedy especially if it were something that she felt would have brought them down or worried them; even more still if it were something that there was nothing that could have been done about it.

Believe... And Maybe You Too Could Fly

Don’t believe what your eyes are telling you

All they show is limitation

Look with your understanding

Find out what you already know

And you will see the way to fly.

-Richard Bach-

I have often marveled at the making of a successful person. Many times it is the sheer luck of being in the right place at the right time. Yet more than that I think the need for the attribute of perseverance needs to be present. You know the ability to continually get up after being knocked down again and again.

Although many times it can appear that the one who has reached their goal of success seemed to just waltz their way through life and suddenly there they are; more times than not there is a story behind that journey. Usually the story is a long one. I once read that in order to be a success at something you need to have completed the task at least a total of ten thousand times. This doesn’t really sound like much yet when you start to apply it to whatever it is you are wanting to master you realize the time and dedication that is needed to truly do such a thing. It is not something that will happen overnight and without some trials.

Many of us do not have the ability to do this. There are many reasons that keep us from accomplishing such a goal. Slothfulness is probably the biggest. The procrastination bug has bit us all at one time or the other. Some of us are much more susceptible to its bite then others and its symptoms linger and never completely leave. It can be a tough disease to recuperate from. It seems that there is always something that we need to do and thus we postpone taking the extra time to work on our dream. We fool ourselves by telling ourselves that we will do it when we finish what we feel is so pressing at the time. Yet in reality we know that at the end of the day that time will not be there for one reason or the other. Either we found more things that needed our attention or we have given all our energy to the things before, leaving none for ourselves and our wishes.

There is also the doubting bug. Its bite can become just as troublesome. Planting ideas into one’s mind to question the need for such devotion to be given to something that one may never ever accomplish and even if they eventually do, the success they seek may not be what they wanted in the first place. Such a bite has the ability to cascade into a series of questions in one’s mind that can leave them confused as to whether their actions are really even worth the effort and even more so the cost. This eventually causes stagnation and in many times a total shut down of any activity towards the desired destination. A feeling of guilt can also accompany; which can itself manifest into a whole other issue.

The ability to sacrifice is also a trait that one must possess. One can juggle the many tasks that may be in front of them for so long until finally a decision will need to be made as to the priority of each one. When this is finally done, there will be things that will fall to the side. Many times when this happens, the things that must be limited are things that can possibly be of great importance. One must realize though that this limitation should not last forever. Usually it is for a time period in order to accomplish a given task. When this occurs in regards to people it can be a trying thing. I often think that it is more difficult for an overly emotional person to travel this road as they are often pulled between their desire for their goal and the need to tend to those who feel that they are being ignored. Too often when this occurs, they will side with the individual or situation at hand as it is present - then and now as compared to their task which may not be something that is concrete and in front of them yet.

Regardless… we all have dreams and aspirations in us. Some lie dormant for years and never see their fruition into reality. It is easier to hold it back and look at it fondly as a dream. In this way we can see it as we think it ought to be and not how it may actually be. Seldom in ones dream do we have any of the negativity that may occur if we were to truly take the actual journey. Also we can say to ourselves, if I had truly wanted to I could have done…… You fill in the blank. We have all been there and done that.

Others strive towards their dreams all their lives never actually getting to the final point. It always seems that there is something that has precedence over it. Constantly we place it on the back burner until we feel we can give it the time we feel we truly need to give to it. When in truth, such a time seldom comes. Some are content with this method. Much like the continual dreamer, it allows them to hold on to the reality they wish they could achieve. Others form a foul taste in their mouth for the dream that in the beginning was everything. Now it only leaves them yearning and regretful.

There are even those who choose denial as a means to deal with their aspirations for themselves. They tell themselves that really it is not that important to them. They are quite content with an occasional dabble in it yet they never really wanted to give the full energy that it would require to see if they had it in them to accomplish it. It was a silly notion of youth and that was all. Definitely it was nothing that a serious adult would ever consider. They have too many other responsibilities that they feel are much more important than any silly dream they may have held in their heart since they were a child.

Then there are those who have a dream, a desire to reach something. It is stronger than anything they have ever felt. They start on their journey towards what they hope to be their final goal. They falter along the way of course. There are setbacks and unforeseen obstacles at times. Sometimes they occur more often they wished. There are even times when they sit and contemplate the option of giving up. Yet each time this comes up they ultimately reach the conclusion that it is not an option. There may be times that they slow their cadence yet always they continue. They know that to stop would only hinder the cause. They always have their eye on the final point they see clearly in their mind. It is not necessarily success but to finish the journey; to complete that which they have started. To see what the outcome of their commented endeavor brings.

I would bet that there are many out there who have chased a dream. And when they accomplished all that they had wished to do, they are not necessarily a famous rock star or a bestselling author. They are someone who pursued their dream and took the steps to accomplish their goal. It is a good feeling to say that you completed a task, even if the end result was not exactly what you had wished it would have been.

So I urge you out there with a dream in the back of your mind. The secret wish you have inside that you may have never shared with anyone in fear that they would think you foolish to think such thoughts. I urge you to start that journey; whether it is from the very beginning and taking your first step or starting back up again on something that you sat to the side for whatever reason. Follow with vigor the path that leads towards your wishes. Give to your journey the time and energy needed to help bring it to full view. Delight in the experience of your travels and the experience it will bring into your life. Allow yourself to be happy in being good to you.

There will be those of course that will still scoff at you. There always are those kinds. Yet much like the saying above, look not with your eyes or listen with your ears… for they do all have limitations. A true dream gives your foresight inside; something that cannot be seen or heard but felt. If we could all but trust our intuition and believe in what we know deep down to be true….. Maybe we all could fly.

Preparing For What Is To Come

I glance out the window next to me and see the stillness of the day. The surface of the pond appears as glass except for the occasional ripple from a frog as it slowly meanders in search of a morning meal. The willows hang themselves out over the edge appearing to attempt to dip their slender arms into its coolness. An occasional bird lands to sit upon the welcomed perch and sing softly into its ear. It is a lazy day to say the least. The dew settled heavy this morning giving everything an appearance of tiny diamonds shimmering in the morning sun as it rose from the east. Spring has definitely sprung yet is not in too big of a hurry to welcome the heat of summer.

Cool evenings and damp days have been the norm. The newly planted flowers as well as the others whose seeds were sown in the years before seem to welcome this time of wait. Their roots push down into the soft earth to grab hold and prepare for the warmer temperatures they know will come in time. They drink the cool water of the morning dew as well as wash themselves in the soft slow showers that are a frequent guest at this time. Their faces turn with the warmth of the sun as it comes up each morning and crosses the sky to eventually set in the west and once again take its nightly rest.

It is a time of preparation. It is a time that is as important as the coldness of winter when they return to the warmth of the earth to sleep until a time of awakening. It is a time that is as important as the harvest of autumn when they prepare for such a sleep. Spring, although it is a time when the earth wakes and once again brings forth new life covering the land once again with an array of vibrant colors, is a time to prepare. A time to prepare for the growth that will take place as time passes; A time to prepare for the possibility of days when the heat is harsh and the cool showers that fall now are not seen as often.

So although the days seem slow and somewhat lazy much is happening that we cannot see. I walk my morning walk and take notice of the unseen actions. Likewise I feel the stir in myself. Nature is a wonderful place to recognize the many gifts that are given to us each day… each moment. It has a perfect manner of helping one to see the small things that occur at any given time that help to form this wonderful thing we call life. Mother Nature is forever working, seldom taking a break to rest or a moment to cease her endless call to tend her gift to us. Likewise we should be aware of the continuous effect we ourselves have as we move through this world each day. Do we take notice to the effects our actions or lack thereof has on our surroundings.

Does it matter what footprint you leave as you walk through your life each day. It is something that too often we do not even ponder on occasionally. With each decision we make or don’t make we have left a piece of ourselves. As each piece falls and slowly accumulates what will it create? Will it take root and grow into something that is beautiful or will it be something that hinders growth and restoration?

My Choice - A Little Rant

Approximately 13 years ago my life was at a point where I could no longer continue in the manner I had been for the previous 17 years. My marriage had evolved to a point where although I was willing to consider working to resolve any and all of the cracks that had grown through the years, I knew that it was a near to impossible thought. It is impossible to constructively work on any issues if both sides are not willing to give 100% in order to accomplish the task. I knew that I could no longer live in the manner in which I had been. I also knew that there were three kids who would also go on this crazy ride and this was possibly the one thing that almost made me stay and endure despite the slow erosion that I could see occurring to my being. Yet in the end I made the decision that I knew was the right one for myself.

I knew that if I was not to tend to myself and see that I had the possibility to be myself, I would never be able to give to my children all that I had inside of me. I had already kept from them so much of me through the early years of their lives because of the union I had been a part of. Thus I started my journey down this path that in the beginning looked to be the roughest I would ever choose. I remember many times when I sat in the dark and asked myself what had I done? Why had I left the “normalness” of my previous life? Why did I choose to be shunned by prior friends because of the rumors that my ex choose to spread? Why did I choose to lose any financial security I had. Why did I choose to let my children go through this ordeal?

Each time I sat there, by the end of my questioning I would always come to the same conclusion. I choose to do what I did because I could see no other way to get back any piece of myself that may still be there. For 17 years I had allowed my identity to be taken and put in a closet. I allowed my children to be born and raised to near their teenage years never really knowing who their mother was. All because I thought that eventually it would change. All because I thought that no one could be so selfish and uncaring.

In the beginning it was hard… It was close to impossible at times. The dark tunnels I traveled all alone had such a grip on me that I feared I would never find any glimmer of light that would eventually lead me to what I wanted so much to believe was somewhere out there for me. Of course I made some not so good choices. I am thankful that such choices did not devour me as they easily could have. I am not sure what exactly it was that gave me the strength to keep getting up each time I slipped back into the darkness. I just know that I did not want to remain there any longer. I did not want my children to remember me in such a way.

It has been 13 years since I started this journey. The road has eased much, yet still there are times when it lends memories of the past rough terrain. I am not sure if it will ever become absent of such travel yet its frequency has lessened greatly, occurring only unfortunately when the 3 children that started the journey with us are involved. Still it tugs at me as before. He always knew how to get to me the quickest…with my children. I will say that I am much better at dealing and responding to such action at this time in my life. Although difficult sometimes, I have to allow him his behavior. I have to be careful that he does not pull me into his drama and in his manipulative way form the outcome to appear that I am in the wrong.

This has forever been a fine line and will continue to be. Yet I have been through trials before in my life. I have learned that release is the best combative force one can use. To hold onto anger only creates bitterness. In the end, bitterness will only affect and damage me. It will never have any affect towards righting any of the wrongs that I feel may have been played against me. It will not demand any justice from him who initially caused this feeling inside of me. It will only sit deep inside of me. Covering me slowly with its blackness until eventually I would be consumed completely. Soon all whom I would care about would be affected by this disease. Soon because of its ugliness they would be tempted to keep their distance. Soon I would be all alone left only with my anger and the blackness it had created.

So I choose to release…to let go of the desire to get even or to get back when still he taunts me with his subtle ways. To ignore the attempts to still compete with me in regards to the children and now the grandchildren. Some may think that I should do something… Stand up for myself… And maybe someday if the fates allow me that perfect opportunity when I know that all is aligned as it should be I will speak the words that I should have said a long time ago. Yet until that moment comes, I will not allow his bitterness to affect me. I will move on with my life. I will enjoy the newness and joys that have replaced the prior. I will release my pain.

I have used this same method of dealing with unpleasant issues throughout my life. Some are done easily and quickly while others take a bit more time and sometimes are quite painful. Yet travel is so much easier when we choose not to take along any needless excess baggage that has no purpose on our journey. In the end only weighting us down and keeping us from many of the wonderful places we could see and experience if only we were not so burdened and worn by our heavy load. I can only speak for myself… yet I would like to see as much of this life as possible, especially the good stuff. Blessings to you all.

When A Short Walk Just Isn't A Stroll

With all the newness about us as spring unveils herself to us, what better time to take what I like to call a Gratitude Walk. Many of us take gratitude walks and don’t even realize it. A gratitude walk is when you take a walk yet at the same time you pay attention to your surroundings. You open yourself to the sites and the sounds… the smells and the sensations. You acknowledge the simple things that all too often are allowed to go unnoticed, unexperienced, unenjoyed.

As you acknowledge the many things that will come to your attention take note of those things that bring pleasure or a smile to your face. In turn say a quick thank you for the moment recognizing the small gift that was just given to you. Stop and smell that beautiful peonies that blooms in that radiant shade of red. Enjoy its fragrant aroma that only it can give. Or maybe it’s the local bakery that tickles your nose more. The smell of fresh baked bread or maybe a freshly glazed cinnamon roll. Listen to the sound of the mockingbird as you stroll past the small maple tree that it has claimed as its home. As you get closer you realize that it is not a song he sings yet a warning to steer clear of his territory. A smile crosses your face at his fierceness and tenacity to keep intruders from what he sees as his.

A gratitude walk can be taken anywhere. Examples: A walk in your local park, where one can admire the budding trees and the flowers that are blooming. The sound of playful children and the many birds that enjoy the abundant possibility for food or a home. The smell of the nearby popcorn stand where freshly buttered popcorn can be purchased if one so desires.

Maybe you would prefer a walk in a more intimate area such as a nearby wooded area. The sound of the small stream as it flows over the rocks at the bottom of the clear water. The majesty of the towering trees that sit at its edge and shade you as you stroll down a narrow well worn path. The flash of color seen as the bluebird soars past you looking for its morning feed. The many opportunities to experience true nature.

If a long walk is not necessarily something that you have time for, a simple jaunt out your front door and across the yard to pick up the daily mail can be a gratitude walk in itself. Each moment is different, filled with a new activity and occurrence. Who knows what newness you may come across just by stepping out into your yard?

I myself often take several strolls across my yard in one day. Now I do this a bit more often as I now take Winston out to do his business. Yet even before then I enjoyed taking my daily gratitude walk. This time of year has been exceptionally fun as of late. It seems that you can almost see the flowers bloom and the leaves on the trees emerge. Being the lover of birds that I am, a sighting never ceases to amaze me.  During my walks is also when I snap many of my photographs of nature.  I recently posted a few of my Roses over at My Photography Site .  Check them out is you want.

Yesterday I saved a small cow bird from the clutches of my cat Sunny, who sees himself as the great hunter. He grabs them so gently that if I manage to get to him quickly, I can usually save them. Today I took the bird carefully from Sonny’s mouth and held it to verify that it was ok. I was sure to convey the message that it should be more aware of how Sonny was and to be more careful next time. Then I release my hold. He perched on my fingers for a few moments keeping his eye on me the whole time. Then he flew to return to where he came from. It was a special moment indeed.

The next time you have the opportunity to take a short stroll or maybe even a long hike, take a few extra moments to look around at what surrounds you. Take notice of the many sounds you hear in the air. Draw in a deep breath through your nose and allow the smells to penetrate your nostrils. If you are lucky enough to be somewhere where you have the opportunity to taste your surroundings by all means indulge a little and pick that fresh strawberry as it lies on the ground all plump and red. There are things to be grateful for all around. Even the people that surround you can sometimes go unnoticed although they are there every day. Maybe a brisk gratitude walk is just what you need. Blessings to you.

Sometimes... We Need Only Listen to Ourselves

Faith is an oasis in the heart

Which can never be reached by the caravan of thinking.

“Kahil Gibran”

When I read the quote above, I can only laugh. It is so true. It is not the endless thinking and dissecting of something that brings its message to us in a manner that allows it to illuminate our being and give us the feeling inside that we know it is right. It is that stir inside our heart, inside our soul, that tells us that this is the right road to be on and that this is the beginning of the journey that we truly want to travel. Another word for faith is intuition. Intuition is a gift that is all too often overlooked. Overlooked because many times it tells us things which are contrary to what we have had engrained into our minds to believe. We have that small quiet voice inside of us that urges us to take a turn, to choose something or believe something that is not quite in line with what we claim ourselves to represent. Yet we often ignore it because of what would others think? How would such a decision effect how I am perceived by those who look at me each day? Would it make them treat me any differently? Would it label me in a manner that could possibly separate me from others? Do I really want to stand up for this considering how it may eventually affect me?

Many times such decisions could very well do just that. And of course we would rather make sure that all those who look at us…. Let me rephrase that…. All those whom we think look at us feel comfortable. We would not want to upset their delicate life’s journey by changing our impact on it. Therefore we remain as we are. Even when we feel that it is not necessarily right. We can endure the indifference we may feel. We can endure the uncomfortable feelings of not choosing as our intuition leads us. All so that someone who more than likely could care less in regards to our final decision, will not have their life bothered. Of course there are times when those closest to you may balk at any attempt you may make to change. This is because a change will disrupt their environment and cause them to adjust. It is not necessarily because they care that they balk. It is not like they are certain that such a choice on your behalf is not a good one. It is more likely because it creates an uncomfortable feeling for them. Things are not flowing as before. They may be required to readjust themselves as well to accept the “new” you. This would mean change, goodness no.

Still when one is blessed with the gift of intuition we should heed its message. It is given for a good reason. So often we look at life as simple black and white. What we choose to do or not do is often if not always based on what we see, hear, smell, etc. It is based on that which we can describe and show some form of reasoning for. Yet when we allow intuition to play a role in such a decision we are basing our final outcome on a something that cannot quite be described. It is a sense within us that this is the right answer even if every other sense is telling us the opposite. It is what some call a gut feeling. It cannot be described in a manner that is acceptable to most because of the lack of facts that back it up. It can only be described as a feeling and because it is your feeling it is difficult to convey that exact feeling to another in a manner that they too would experience the same thing.

Intuition is given to us as a sense unto itself, although it is often not looked at in this manner. A good example of this is the example of a small child. A child has such a trusting nature. They have the ability to look at a situation and see it for what it truly is. Their eyes have not yet been clouded by the rules and regulations that are often given to everyone eventually. You know what I am speaking of; the rules that slowly form us into “what we are supposed to be”. Children, especially young ones, have not allowed these rules to penetrate them yet. Therefore they see with open eyes… Their intuition is vivid and strong. It is not only felt and viewed as true; it is also seen and heard. It is still a true sense. There is no question as to its validity as it is proven by all that is around.

It is time that we allow ourselves to trust that which has been lacking from our senses for so long. It is time that we open our minds to the messages that come to us daily telling us what is true and what is right. It is time we trust that small quiet voice inside. It is there for a reason. It is there to help guide us where we need to go. I am in no means saying that we should disregard the words of counsel that we receive from friend, family, and others. It is just that we should likewise take into account our own words that lie within ourselves. Sometimes the answer to the questions we seek so diligently is already answered and sitting right inside of us.

An Open Mind

I have always been one who ponders… Some call it a thinker. You know the one who takes something and examines it relentlessly attempting to figure its mechanisms out so that they can understand how exactly it all works. With something that is solid and can be held in one’s hands this is not necessarily a bad thing. Yet when applied to a simple thought or act it can become a quite enormous feat. Some things are just as simple as they may appear. They need no elaborate thought process to bring them into light for us to see their clarity.

 

We have what we seek…

It is there all the time, and if we give it time…

It will make itself known to us

“Thomas Merton”

Still I will think on it…attempting to look at it from all sides and perspectives. As time has passed in my life this process has brought me much insight on certain issues… especially when it comes to seeing it from a perspective other than my own. It is hard sometimes to do this. Most of us feel quite passionate about our views and feel that we have examined it to the point that we know enough of the facts to make our final decision. Yet I have learned there are often other sides, other views, which I have at times not taken into consideration. This simple realization has taken me leaps and bounds ahead of where I began within my journey in life. It has also helped me to understand others as well as myself more. Most people are quite willing to discuss their ideas and views if they do not feel that they are being threatened when doing so. Given the right approach two people with quite different views on a said subject can comfortably sit and discuss it and in the end both come out with new insight.

The way is not in the sky,

The way is in the heart.

“Buddha”

There is so much wisdom out in the world…wisdom which comes from so many walks of life. It is sad to think that there are so many who will never gain from such wisdom because they have chosen to keep a closed mind in regards to certain individuals based simply on their beliefs, race, and/or culture. What is it that keeps one from listening? Could it possibly be a feeling that in doing so they may forfeit some of themselves and lose credibility? Maybe it is the loss of power they feel they will lose if they give any of their ground away. Power plays such a large part in so many struggles. Even when one feels that they are not right and they know that the opposing side holds good points and is in the end the better choice, they will fight for what they represent simply because they do not wish to lose. Why is it that we “enjoy” telling others what is right and what is wrong. Why do we feel such power in being the one who has the last say? Quite possibly because deep down all of us want to have some form of importance to ourselves. We want to feel as if our participation is needed and at times even non-replaceable. Truth is though that any of us can be replaced at any time. True there are some who have such talents that replacement could be a bit of a challenge yet in the end the job can be filled if needed.

It is an individual decision that each one has to make. The decision as to how open we will be to the things around us. Will we open our minds and allow thoughts that are different than our own to be heard? Will we consider the affects that such thoughts could bring? Will we even go as far as to consider the negativity that our own thoughts could bring? Taking it even a step further and changing our thought process if needed, despite the fact that it could shun us from some of those around us. Will we give up the control so that the right thing can eventually be accomplished?

Hopefully so… Hopefully as time continues a new awakening will emerge and the desire to have “my way” or no way will subside. We will finally see the need to work together for the common good as opposed to each struggling to get our own way at whatever the cost may be. Maybe it is just my overly optimistic outlook that helps me to feel that it will eventually be a reality. Yet I hope it is a glimpse at the evolution of man to come. For it is truly in all of us to be such creatures….If we choose to be.