Que Sera Sera

A while back I talked to you about the fact that this was my 50th year of life. I went on and on about how I was going to make the best of this year and do the things I wanted most. I spoke of the vigor I had, not only for life but also in energy and such.

I am wondering today where all that vigor has gone... I know I am getting older and I guess in some ways I have not or maybe do not want to actually face some facts.

I can no longer run the 50 yard dash as fast as I used to.

I bruise now when they take my blood at the doctors;

plus it is harder to find the vein to even take it in the first place.

I can no longer stay out to all hours of the night, drink myself into a stupor and get up and go to work the next day.

Weight is becoming my enemy. When I young I had the pleasure of being able to eat anything and everything I wanted with little recourse. I am well aware of where it is now.... My sizes tell me quite loudly. And losing it is not as easy as it once was.

Where I once tolerated my big melons when I was young even though they were cumbersome and often in the way, I have grown to dislike them intensely and want to trade them in for a smaller pair.

One would think that I had quite the negative attitude with all these statements. I will admit that there are times when I would not mind simply going to sleep and waking up when this was all over. Despite what some may think I am not always little sally sunshine. I will also admit that I do not like getting old or at least some of the things that it brings with it. But such is life and really it doesn't matter what I like or don't like.... it is what it is...

Yet I will admit that aging has also given me some awakenings that I was too blind to see when I was younger.

I don't need to run the 50 yard dash in record time. I never really was a track star anyway.

Although I bruise when I give blood, I do not have to do it often as I rarely go to the doctor unless it is for my allergies or to refill a prescription that has expired.

I never was one for staying out all night and getting snockered. A leisurely glass of wine on my back porch is really all I need. Unless of course it is a Muse concert. Then I seem to find the energy somewhere down deep and I could stay up dancing all night long.

I do not have to worry about my weight as much as when I was young. I caught the man I have wanted all these years and he loves me just like I am. And anyway if I finally do go through with saying farewell to the sisters that have been with me since Jr. High (way too early for big boobs, especially back then) the number that comes up on the scale will definately decrease. I know this why? Because a couple years back when I had the biopsy on my right breast, it was just a little piece and I could tell the difference.

When I turned 40 I remember talking to a woman about all the changes that seemed to be occurring to me after my 40th birthday. She only chuckled and said...

You think 40 is bad... wait til you turn 50.

Que Sera... Sera...

Wanderlust Wednesday - Happy Birthday Baby

One day when I was a little girl of 7 years I saw a boy. He was older than me by three years. I remember when I first saw him I was taken by his beautiful blond hair. It was that color of blond that is almost white. He was tall and the summer sun shone on him often. I say this because of the gentle kiss it gave to his skin leaving its mark.

This boy who caught my fancy soon became my brothers best friend so I was privedged to his presence at my house often. Although I am sure he never noticed, I watched him from afar. There was something about this boy. I knew from a very young age that this was the boy that I wanted to spend my life with.

His smile was gentle and his eyes seemed to sparkle each time he looked at me. His words were always kind to me despite my brothers attempts to drive me away. He would call me Janie Pie each time he saw me and although I knew it was only his kindness I loved the attention he would give to me.

Yet children grow up. Being the little sister did not give me much of an opportunity to ever act upon my crush/love for this boy. The fact that I was extremely timid when I was young also did not help much.

I was 18 when I accepted the facts.  That the chance of my childhood wish of being with the boy of my dreams was just that a dream. As reality came to me I remember watching him in my brothers back yard. As I left I still remember the sadness I felt even then at this realization.

Yet sometimes a mere child knows exactly what she wants and it is the older adolescent that gives up to easily. Later, much later, in life this tall blond hair boy (now a man) would come back into my life. And although we were apart for almost 25 years the moment we connected again was magic. Instantaneously both of us knew and we have not been apart since. It is a journey that although I wish I could have started back when I was young, I am still blessed and grateful that we both found our way back to one another.

Today my Vincent celebrates his birthday. I wish him happiness and all he wants and more. Happy Birthday baby.

I know this is a week late but it still hold just as much love, in fact a little more.  Because each day my heart grows just a bit fonder of you, so today I can honestly say I love you more than I did last week.  Yea I know it's sappy but so true...

Happy Birthday Jon

Many of you know that this last week I was leisurely enjoying some wonderful grand kid time out in Tennessee.  I have to say that my trip was wonderful and although I spent a good 6 days there it went by so quickly that it was definitely not long enough.  700 miles is too far away for a grandma and her grand kids...

Yet today I would like to take this moment to wish a very Happy Birthday to my son in law Jon.  He is currently serving his country in Afghanistan and thus is away from his family. 

 

During my visit his absence was very evident in all of the days activities.  However I enjoyed the manner in which my daughter has tried to help the children to deal with this. 

On the kitchen table are two jars filled with Hershey hugs and kisses.  Around each jar hangs a sign which reads Hugs and Kisses from Daddy.  The idea is  any time (preferably once a day) when the kids fill a bit blue due to their dads absence they can go to the jar and grab a hug or kiss from him.  Not only does it make them feel better it also taste really good.  Hershey has come out with so many different flavors these days that the assortment is endless.  Each time their tiny hands go into the jar they pull out something different.  I loved this idea as well as the kids did.

Another idea was a small army doll with a place on the face to put a photo of the desired soldier who is gone.  Of course on their dollies is a picture of their daddy.  Each evening before they go to bed they kiss their daddy doll goodnight and snuggle up with him. 

I can only imagine the thoughts that race through their little minds these days knowing that their father is in Afghanistan.  My granddaughter had spoken at times in regards to his adventures.  She does not know exactly what he is doing yet some of the stories she relays to me that are told to her from her classmates makes me want to cry. 

When we were young we did not have the instant access to all the going ons of the war.  Life was still simplistic and we had to wait for the censored report that was allowed on TV as well as the posted letter from our loved ones if and when we received them.  Today a simple click of the button can get you info instantly via the Internet as well as an email posted letter. 

Today Jon celebrates his birthday, away from home and his family.  I am sure that they are thinking of him and possibly even spoken with him today.  Still I hope that his day was a good one.  That at least for a brief moment he was able to escape into a minute of time where he was with them if not in person at least in spirit. 

Happy Birthday Jon!  You serve our country proud as well as my daughter and my grand kids... Take care and be safe.

Happy Birthday To You

I would not be the fan I claim to be if I did not wish a big Happy Birthday to Matthew Bellamy. Oh to be 20 years younger... or even 10 for that matter... but alas I will admire him from afar with all the other middle aged women out there.

Happy Birthday Benjamin James

Twenty seven years ago today I lay in a hospital bed. My doctor, a man who loved cigars and tried frantically to smoke them while on rounds, would stick his head in occasionally to make sure I was ok. Eventually he sent me walking the halls and told the nurses not to call him until it was time. You probably have guessed that I was in labor and about to give birth. Yet this time was my first time. Little did I know that in a few short hours I would be holding my first born, Benjamin James, and screaming for some fried chicken.

BJ as we call him came into the world a strapping baby of 9lbs 9oz. Let’s just say his head paved the way for my next two that would come later in life. I was glad that I had a large baby. The idea of having a small little one of 6 or 7 pounds scared me. BJ came into the world half grown. I remember that summer spending many a day in the park beneath the shade of the large oaks that were scattered around. I would read to him and play him music as he slept his afternoons away. Needless to say he was nice and tan before the summer was over.

I still remember the first time I felt him move in my stomach. I was sitting in the college library, reading when I felt what was like a small flutter in my stomach. I did not think much at first yet when it occurred the next time I knew it was him. That pregnancy was magical to me. It was the first therefore everything that I experienced was new for me. I remember evenings sitting on my sofa and talking softly to him inside of me. Wondering and at times worrying about all that was about to happen to me. Yet I can honestly say it was one of the most wonderful times of my life and one I would never change or trade for the world.

Today BJ has grown to a strapping young man. He still has those deep blue eyes that seem to pierce right through you. His smile, when he gives it, could melt an iceberg. He always could get anything with that smile. He is still a quiet boy who loves life in his own way. He still loves good cooking and big dogs. (His fiancée Brandi is a great cook and he owns a pit bull and a mastiff) He still is my little boy. Funny… although he is my oldest he always seems to still be my baby.

So on this Cinco de Mayo,

I wish my little boy a big happy birthday.

You will never fully be aware of

just how much I truly love you dear.

You will forever be my sweet baby boy.

Love you Bunches

Mom

A Wonderful Surprise

I had a wonderful surprise waiting for me today in my mailbox.  Actually two surprises.  The first on was my mystery giveway prize I won from Jules at Moon Cat Farms.  To be honest I had not remembered even entering it so I was surprised when she told me I had won.  It was a wonderful goodie box filled with a wonderful sachet bag, some of her home made soap, fatty pens, an adorable frame and a truly yummy dark chocolate & pomegrante candy bar.  I would like to know how she knew that I die for dark chocolate.  And I have to say the pomegrante taste wonderful... thanks so much Julie.  I truly love all of it.... (esp. the chocolate)

The next surprise was from my youngest son.  Him and his fiancee currently live in Alexandria Virginia, which means that they will not be here to celebrate my birthday with me next week.  Also because they are leaving for a week in Tokyo on that day... Must be rough.  Anyhow, they sent my gift early which I had to open when I received.  I am terrible about waiting... Did I say I love surprises. 

I was totally knocked over when I opened the package and found the painting by Dorothy Kadosh.  It was simply beautiful.  The painting is done in a somewhat 3-d sense with the tree wrapping around the canvas.  It is simply beautiful.  Some of you may be familiar with Dororthy as she is an artist from Pennsylvania yet even more she is known for her work as an Astrologer and her work in Metaphysics.  She is currently director of the School of Psychic Self Defense . 

Also in the package from my son was his usual quirky card which only him and I would laugh at and a small (actually tiny) chinese food container.  Inside it were 2 tiny oragami turtles, a fortune cookie and a pair of beautiful purple and silver earrings.  Needless to say I was pleasently surprised today.  A lovely way to start off the week before my birthday.  Kids, you just have to love them.