Procrastination and Chocolate

Another glorious week of life has passed us by and I cannot help but ask myself what I have accomplished. Strangely it went past rather quickly. That is probably because it was such an enjoyable week. Not necessarily that anything special happened; in fact I spent it mostly alone. Yet the weather was quite perfect and I was able to get outdoors more than I have in some time. That always seems to lift my spirits. Even the Mercury Retrograde that everyone seems to be talking about, although I can feel it, is not affecting me in a terrible way.

It is not as if I have sat on my butt all week and absolutely done nothing. The normal chores and errands have been completed. I have my Celtic Tree Lore posts completed for the next two months. I did some deep fall cleaning. I worked outdoors of course and spent some extra time tending my flowers and gardens. I have started working on Christmas gifts. Yet still I ask myself what I have accomplished. For some time I have wanted to start seriously working on my writing yet it seems that I always find some excuse or reason not to give it the time that I really want to give it. There really is no excuse that is adequate enough although I can always find one that I deem suitable to stop me.

This morning I ran across a quote by Robert Kennedy which somewhat kicked me in the butt as if trying to tell me exactly what I need to hear. “Only those who dare to fail greatly can ever achieve greatly.” It is not necessarily that I want a top ten bestseller book, although don’t get me wrong if the fate landed in my lap I would not turn my nose up at it. I just want to be able to say that I put my best foot forward and that I gave it my best attempt. Procrastination is my monster that lurks in the shadows and whispers those bad things to me that keeps me from doing the things I need to do… That and possibly a bit of senility as it seems I chase rabbits a bit more now than I ever used to. Yet even that I think could be called an excuse that I use for the dragging of my feet.

In the coming weeks and possibly longer I have promised myself to stop making excuses and to work on those things that I have kept back on the shelf telling myself that I will tend to them when I have adequate time. Really what is adequate time? Any woman knows that if we were to wait for the perfect moment to work on anything that we see as slightly selfish that it would never get done. Or at least not be given the same amount of time or importance that we give so many other things in our lives. It is not that the keeping of the household, the children, the husband, the job, and all the other things that we put before ourselves are not important. They all hold their special place in our hearts and for some no matter what we decide there are a few of those distractions that we will not budge.

Yet I do think it is important that a woman tends to herself; that she takes those special moments to treat herself and do things that she enjoys and loves. Some of us are able to do this a bit more than others. Our children have grown and are no longer at home. We have time in the day that is spent alone and we can steal those precious moments we so desire. Although I am very much in that situation; I still find myself putting myself at the bottom of the list. Which we all know means, that many times it is the one item that there just was not enough time for in the day. I will be honest and say that I do manage to have so much more “me” time than before and I do sympathize with mothers of young children at home. I know if I still here in that situation I would give my prime time to them. It is a woman’s nature to do such a thing.

In the long run though to give a little of the nurturing, that woman do so well, to oneself will benefit them greatly. It took me a while before I understood that statement. Yet when I realized that it was impossible to give anyone or anything my best if I was not giving my best to myself first, my life changed. As you can see I still regress back at times, yet like I have said before that is a woman’s way, we love to tend to others.

I guess what I am saying is I am going to have a little me time. I am going to give a bit more to the things that I enjoy and want to excel in and also jump off a few cliffs. I mean that figuratively of course. Take a few moments (or longer if you can ) this weekend and ponder on what it is you want out of yourself and then ask yourself what are you doing to achieve it. Eat a little chocolate while you think about it... Why? Because any woman knows that a little piece of chocolate can make any woman feel better. Blessings

Understanding The Empty Nest

I never really thought much about the empty nest syndrome. I know that it pertains to when your children move out of the house and on with lives of their own. Sometimes the move is local and still they are near enough that you can visit them on occasion. Yet there are times when they move much further away. My children are a little of both. My oldest son is near enough that we can visit whenever we like. My other son is in DC and my daughter is in Tennessee. This has been an adjustment especially since 2 (soon to be 3) of my grandkids also reside in Tennessee. Their moving left me with much of a similar feeling as I babysat them for a good portion of time before they moved.

I have learned over time that although we as mothers look at our children forever as a child, they do grow up and they do create a family and life of their own. There does come a time when this is made quite evident. I have always tried to not be the kind of mother that nags too much or seems to butt into their lives more than usual. Yet still I am reminded from time to time that I may need to make adjustments. I do not agree with all the requests that may be made. Yet I do understand that it is their lives and the ultimate choice is rightfully theirs.

I will say that the relationship between my children and myself over time has caused me to reevaluate my relationship with my mother. Maybe that is just the way the evolution of parenting goes. When you are young you do not realize what some of your words or actions may do. You view them from your point of view and they are rightfully justified. Yet as time moves on and you find yourself in a similar situation yet on the other side, you realize that such things may be more hurtful or harsh then you ever meant them to be. This goes both ways I think.

I have learned that this growing process can be painful to all who are involved. Whether or not it is a smooth process depends much on the communication and/or relationship between those involved. Patience is an asset that is greatly needed and helpful for either party. An open mind and a realization that there is discomfort felt by all who are involved is also something that is good to know.

Am I suffering from empty nest? I am not sure really. Sometimes I think I am, as I miss the interaction and relationship that I used to have with my children. Yet I see them in their new families and activities and know that they are happy and evolving well into the world. I am proud of their accomplishments and the challenges that they place ahead of themselves to continue to become all that eventually they will be. I understand the restraints of distance and the fact that it keeps the once easy visits from happening. I understand the need for time together alone as their own family to help build tradition and form a history of their own.

Still I miss them. Still I wish that I were momma again. I was far from the perfect mother. Is there such a thing? I think we all learn as we go. Trying to be and do the best we can. Looking back sometimes and thinking maybe if I had done this or not done that. Yet things in the past are just that… in the past. I think I will call my mother today. I think I will tell her how much she means to me and how much I appreciate all she has ever done for me. I think I will let her know that although I may not show it all the time that I truly do love and above all respect her. She did the best she could. No she was not perfect, but she was there.

Maybe we don’t get to be called momma again until our children are older. Until they too have gone through the times and trials of parenting that help them to eventually understand the actions we may or may not have taken. Maybe it is not until this time that we have enough time to sit and listen to their side of the story. Maybe that is what the empty nest is all about.