Mumblings On A Friday

Well this weekend is said to usher in the beginning of summer. Unofficially of course. Yet Memorial Day is usually when most feel that summer has begun. I myself like to think of June 21 as the beginning of summer. It lends itself to making me think that summer is longer than what it may feel like some years. Yet like most I am already in the swing of summer.

The recent rains have finally started the grass to growing and mowing is quickly becoming a weekly if not more often chore. I do not mind this as I always enjoy my time on the rider mower with my ear buds deep in my ears listening to my music at high volume as I plow across the yard. It is an escape of sorts. Lost in the music and enjoying the smells and sites of nature.

Although the heavy rains filled our pond to its brim once again it also brought about a few friends that I could do without. A good share of snakes and snappers have come to reside in our little water hole. Something that I do not take too kindly too. I am happy with the many frogs we have yet the snakes and turtles... well they can go. Vincent works to keep them out as best he can and already he has taken some of both out.  Yet I noticed today as I was enjoying the morning that there are still some there. The trees and brush have been cleared enough around the pond so that it does not lend itself much to them residing for long yet I am not too keen on stepping upon one as I am strolling around my pond admiring the sites. I give my neighbors way too many things to laugh at. I do not need the scared of snakes dance to be another attraction.

I decided to transplant some of the wildflowers that grow so abundantly in our yard this year to some choice places where I could allow them to grow and not mow over them. This adventure has proven to be quite enjoyable and I think it may become one of my yearly traditions. I have always disliked mowing down so many of the flowers that grow each spring. I also bordered my yard with other perennials along the bottom where it meets the woods. I am hoping that they will create a colorful border as the years pass. One that does not need to be tended so diligently yet allows a nice splash of color as we sit on the back porch and look out.

As I have said previously it has been a bit of an odd year thus far. I being the thinker that I am, continually try to figure out the reason for the difference. Yet have not been able to put my finger on anything specific. It seems that life as of late is sort of scattered in so many arenas. Although there is no reason for it, there seems to be a bit of an uneasiness in me. Like I said I am a bit of an over thinker so I try not to over think this situation.  Still,  I am continually taken back to the same square of thought. I wonder if any of you have felt such things as this.

If so what are your conclusions on the topic? Or am I just being a bit of a silly and once again thinking and over analyzing way too much. I guess I can blame it on the pre menopausal events that have seemed to overtake me as of late. Goodness I never thought that turning 50 could be so much fun. (That is a sarcastic statement!!) Yet I refuse to allow a little thing such as age get me to a place where I feel sorry for myself and come to a conclusion that because of it I am unable to enjoy life anymore... 50 or not I am still going to have all the fun I can.

Well enough of the rambling....I leave you with this thought to ponder as the day continues.

Confront the dark parts of yourself,

and work to banish them with illumination and forgiveness.

Your willingness to wrestle with your demons will cause your angels to sing.

Use the pain as fuel, as a reminder of your strength

August Wilson

Enjoy the rest of the day. May blessings come your way

New Beginnings

It has been somewhat of a hectic time for me as of late. It seems that so many things have been going on. I am not sure if it is that I am getting older and keeping up with such things is just becoming a bit harder or that I have just really been busy. I like to think it is the second reason. I am hoping that the time to come will bring somewhat of a slower pace for me although I am not sure that that will happen. The holidays always seem to be a somewhat hectic time regardless.

Yet November is here and with it comes the beginning of a new year. (At least for those who follow the Celtic calendar). I have so enjoyed this last year and all the things it has brought my way. It never ceases to amaze me the countless blessings that are constantly occurring if you only take the time to look for them.

Once again I find myself looking at areas of my life that I want to focus on and possibly make changes to or give more time and attention to. Usually I am not too keen on resolutions. Not sure if that is an excuse or a good reason. There are some areas that I feel drawn to work on, although I feel that it may be the fact that my 49th birthday falls this month. I see the days following November 19th to be quite special. They each are a piece of the road that makes up my 50th year of life. Granted I am not too keen on getting older yet the milestone of my 50th birthday is somewhat special. It also pushes me to think on where I have been and where else I would like to go in my life.

Vincent and I celebrated our anniversary last weekend and with it we were told the news that his daughter and her husband are expecting. So a new grandchild will bless our midst next summer. It is always a joy to hear the news of a child to come. It is even more enjoyable when the child is to be part of your family. It will be a while before we know whether it is a boy or a girl yet that does not take anything from the excitement.

I have also been blessed to have won a couple recent giveaways which I am overjoyed about. First was second place in Byrum Art’s giveaway. I love their work and so when I received an email from Sherry telling me I could hardly believe it. The next prize took me totally by surprise. It was the wonderful Salem gift basket from Jaz over at October Farm in Mrs. B’s last giveaway of her 31 days of Halloween event. Her baskets are always so wonderful and her trips to Salem each year are amazing. It is always fun to get goodies in the mail.

The weather has cooled considerably. In fact it is coat weather her with a brisk cool breeze blowing all week. I have work to be done in my yard yet am not sure if I will be able to get it done this week. Time will tell I guess. I am slowly getting back to all the things that need tending. Life calls as it does most of us from time to time and we have to give in and give it the time and attention that it demands. Hoping this Tuesday finds those who visit well and in good spirits.

Blessings

Thank Goodness Its Friday -

Well Friday is finally here and I have to say I am glad.... It has been an eventful week that seemed to run by quite quickly to say the least, yet also seemed to drag itself out. Is that possible? Monday started full steam and it appeared that I would do a wonderful job of getting all my chores and want to do list completed or at least a good start to them... The weather was nice and still I stayed inside and did the things I knew had to be started.

Tuesday came and since I did such a great job the day before, I splurged a bit and did not do as much... Played with Winston and the cats, read my new book, and worked on my Celtic Tree Lore postings. I am trying to get them worked up ahead so I can just have them scheduled to post. It was a relaxing day and quite enjoyable.

Then Wednesday came..... I should know better than to slack too much so early in the week; although it has always been my problem to this. I always think I have plenty of time to get things done. Yet Wednesday morning greeted me with a wonderful bout with my allergies. And believe me I do mean that sarcastically. It was anything but wonderful. Puffy watery eyes, runny nose, the works. I started the medicine immediately even though I had been on my Allegra for a couple weeks already. And just like usual, the day I “thought” I would be catching up I truly did feel like not doing a darn thing. Yes there were things I did need to do like take Winston out for his potty breaks, which I am sure the neighbors enjoyed. I walked like an 80 year old woman. He wanted so to play yet I was just not up to running with him like I usually do.

So my entire Wednesday was shot. Nothing really got done. I just sat and tried like ever to keep my nose from running all over me. My highlight of the day was finding a can of chicken noodle soup for supper… I took a Benadryl that evening and was out like a light. Winston also was a good boy and slept all through the night until 6 am. When I woke yesterday I felt a bit better and so I was back at it… Completed the paper work I needed to get done and cleaned my kitchen and did some laundry. Wrote and posted my weekly writings on Ewitch - About My Love of Gardening and felt pretty good. The day was simply wonderful with no wind at all.   I had to go outside and enjoy it just a bit. While I was out I could see the yard and how it needed mowing.

Not a good idea for someone who was combating allergies yet I figured I could at least mow the back around the porch. It would not take me that long and the fresh air would do me good. Well when all was said and done, I had mowed the entire yard. I will say that it does look worlds better yet I did pay for it as evening rolled around. The allergies came back to visit while I watched Survivor and continued until I went to bed. It probably did not help matters that I was a bit vocal at the stupidity of the people on Survivor. Winston thinks I am mad I know as there was no one to listen to my disgust but him and he didn’t really want to hear it.

We both went to bed early and woke this morning to another nice day. The stuffy nose is still with me and more than likely will be for a few more days. Yet I am determined to get a few more things done today. I have errands to run, and a few chores to finish, then the weekend… Vincent comes home this evening and no more early morning potty break calls at least for a couple days. By Monday hopefully this runny nose will be gone and I will have a new grandbaby to talk about. I hope all of you have a wonderful weekend. Blessings

My Choice - A Little Rant

Approximately 13 years ago my life was at a point where I could no longer continue in the manner I had been for the previous 17 years. My marriage had evolved to a point where although I was willing to consider working to resolve any and all of the cracks that had grown through the years, I knew that it was a near to impossible thought. It is impossible to constructively work on any issues if both sides are not willing to give 100% in order to accomplish the task. I knew that I could no longer live in the manner in which I had been. I also knew that there were three kids who would also go on this crazy ride and this was possibly the one thing that almost made me stay and endure despite the slow erosion that I could see occurring to my being. Yet in the end I made the decision that I knew was the right one for myself.

I knew that if I was not to tend to myself and see that I had the possibility to be myself, I would never be able to give to my children all that I had inside of me. I had already kept from them so much of me through the early years of their lives because of the union I had been a part of. Thus I started my journey down this path that in the beginning looked to be the roughest I would ever choose. I remember many times when I sat in the dark and asked myself what had I done? Why had I left the “normalness” of my previous life? Why did I choose to be shunned by prior friends because of the rumors that my ex choose to spread? Why did I choose to lose any financial security I had. Why did I choose to let my children go through this ordeal?

Each time I sat there, by the end of my questioning I would always come to the same conclusion. I choose to do what I did because I could see no other way to get back any piece of myself that may still be there. For 17 years I had allowed my identity to be taken and put in a closet. I allowed my children to be born and raised to near their teenage years never really knowing who their mother was. All because I thought that eventually it would change. All because I thought that no one could be so selfish and uncaring.

In the beginning it was hard… It was close to impossible at times. The dark tunnels I traveled all alone had such a grip on me that I feared I would never find any glimmer of light that would eventually lead me to what I wanted so much to believe was somewhere out there for me. Of course I made some not so good choices. I am thankful that such choices did not devour me as they easily could have. I am not sure what exactly it was that gave me the strength to keep getting up each time I slipped back into the darkness. I just know that I did not want to remain there any longer. I did not want my children to remember me in such a way.

It has been 13 years since I started this journey. The road has eased much, yet still there are times when it lends memories of the past rough terrain. I am not sure if it will ever become absent of such travel yet its frequency has lessened greatly, occurring only unfortunately when the 3 children that started the journey with us are involved. Still it tugs at me as before. He always knew how to get to me the quickest…with my children. I will say that I am much better at dealing and responding to such action at this time in my life. Although difficult sometimes, I have to allow him his behavior. I have to be careful that he does not pull me into his drama and in his manipulative way form the outcome to appear that I am in the wrong.

This has forever been a fine line and will continue to be. Yet I have been through trials before in my life. I have learned that release is the best combative force one can use. To hold onto anger only creates bitterness. In the end, bitterness will only affect and damage me. It will never have any affect towards righting any of the wrongs that I feel may have been played against me. It will not demand any justice from him who initially caused this feeling inside of me. It will only sit deep inside of me. Covering me slowly with its blackness until eventually I would be consumed completely. Soon all whom I would care about would be affected by this disease. Soon because of its ugliness they would be tempted to keep their distance. Soon I would be all alone left only with my anger and the blackness it had created.

So I choose to release…to let go of the desire to get even or to get back when still he taunts me with his subtle ways. To ignore the attempts to still compete with me in regards to the children and now the grandchildren. Some may think that I should do something… Stand up for myself… And maybe someday if the fates allow me that perfect opportunity when I know that all is aligned as it should be I will speak the words that I should have said a long time ago. Yet until that moment comes, I will not allow his bitterness to affect me. I will move on with my life. I will enjoy the newness and joys that have replaced the prior. I will release my pain.

I have used this same method of dealing with unpleasant issues throughout my life. Some are done easily and quickly while others take a bit more time and sometimes are quite painful. Yet travel is so much easier when we choose not to take along any needless excess baggage that has no purpose on our journey. In the end only weighting us down and keeping us from many of the wonderful places we could see and experience if only we were not so burdened and worn by our heavy load. I can only speak for myself… yet I would like to see as much of this life as possible, especially the good stuff. Blessings to you all.

My Day In A Nutshell

Yesterday was a picture perfect April day. It started early with a spring storm coming through. I was awakened by lightning and the subtle rumble of thunder. It was nearing 6 am so I hurried and took Winston out to do his duty before the showers started. He was a good boy and quickly did his business and we returned inside. Checking the weather and starting the coffee, my day had begun.

As the storm passed us quickly we were blessed with some needed rain and very little else. Unfortunately the rage that Oklahoma weather can bring at times was felt by those north and south of us. They received high winds as well as hail. Once again we were blessed as the storm parted and went around us. A quick thank you was given as I continued my morning.

After enjoying my first cup of coffee I started my work in the kitchen. My eldest son and his fiancée were coming over for lunch and an afternoon visit. I prepared the chicken breast to marinate until I would grill them at a later time. The baked beans were started with the smell of bacon and onions flowing through the house. Although they are called baked beans I have always made them atop my stove in a skillet. I have never enjoyed overly juicy beans and found a trick completely by accident one time when I was camping. Of course one doesn’t have the enjoyment of an oven when you are camping. All food that may need to be cooked is done so over the open fire. I found that cooking the beans in a skillet over a low fire thickens the sauce and seems to blend the flavors more. Thus, my campfire beans became my version of baked beans… I also took the fresh corn on the cob out of the freezer and started it to slow cook on the stove top.

The rain passed quickly and before I knew it the sun was desperately trying to come out. It was nice to see that the flaw in the weatherman’s prediction was going to be in our favor for once. The sun was not supposed to appear until later that afternoon. Yet here it was 10 am and it was shining brightly. After making a batch of white chocolate/macadamia cookies and slicing my mushrooms to sauté, I was finished and able to relax a bit. Another cup of coffee was in order as well as a quick shower.

I could not resist a quick walk around my yard after the sun had been out for a bit. It seemed as if everything was busting out from the recent drink they had been given by Mother Nature. The birds sang a bit louder now that the dust from days prior was washed from the air. The small buds on the trees lifted their heads to the sun in anticipation that today could very likely be the day that they would open to the new spring. The tulips likewise raised themselves preparing for their grand entrance. It seemed that spring was budding out all around me.

The afternoon was filled with good food and a good visit. By the time evening came we strolled once more through the yard as well as explored a wooded area behind our property that we are considering possibly purchasing. It is covered with trees as well as other wonderful things and the idea of clearing it out and allowing the wildflowers to flourish is quite exciting. It would lengthen our property by quite a bit and take it right up to a deep ravine that runs next to it. Signs could be seen everywhere that it is a trail for animals and such.

This weekend as we venture out and around I intend to tote my camera with me everywhere. There are far too many wonderful opportunities at this time to pass them up. I look forward to sharing them with you in the weeks to come. I will be posting many of them over on my photography blog The Picture As Janie Sees It. Come and visit me there sometime… Enjoy your weekend.

Early Morning Potty Breaks

With the new addition to our family my schedule has been a bit challenged this last week. Don’t get me wrong I have loved his presence and think that it is exactly what Vincent and I needed. Winston has been a wonderful addition to our little home despite the 3 am potty breaks he seems to enjoy. He seems to be acclimating well to his new surroundings and is even slowly making friends with Sunny and Sweetie. Sweetie and he seem to well on their way to a good friendship, which seems a bit odd as Sweetie usually acts like she is too good to be friends with anyone…

This morning he assisted me in rising a bit earlier than I normally do. The weather has been so warm these past few days that it was nice to be outdoors and enjoy it a bit. I brewed the coffee and tidied up the kitchen, enjoyed my first cup on the back porch in the cool weather, then decided to come in and write. It has been quite enjoyable. Winston on the other hand has already kicked back and went back to sleep on the floor next to me. Ah, the life of a puppy.

We decided to train him to a crate as Vincent is as crazy about him as me and really wants to occasionally take him to work with him. It is working out quite well. Because we knew that he would grow in size and we did not want to purchase a multitude of crates, we choose a large one from the beginning. Winston has already learned that the crate is his place and occasionally during the day will crawl inside to take a short nap. Yet when evening comes it is slid into our bedroom and placed next to my side of the bed (isn’t it always the momma who has to tend the baby…).

Spoiled? Yes he is. But then we always knew that we would spoil our children… Goodness I swore that I would not ever be that way with an animal… It is a good thing that eventually he will grow into a large dog. He will not have to worry about any of those silly outfits that the little dogs are seen wearing. At least let’s hope he won’t. Be forewarned that there will be plenty of pictures of our little guy… that is if he stands still long enough.

Other than Winston, this last week has been filled with yard work. Although the Oklahoma winds have been at their best (30-40 mph) we have still been out all week cleaning. Vincent has mainly been working around the pond and trimming the willows that were damaged from the earlier ice storm and I have been clearing my area for the fairy garden I am working on. Both are looking wonderful. I really should have taken some before and after photos. I was not aware of how different it is going to look when it is all finished. Many of my flowers that I planted from seed last summer are starting to come up. I am so excited about this. I scattered them all around the pond and on the perimeter of the property. Color sprinkled throughout the yard can do wonders for the view.

Soon I will start on the additions to my fairy garden. Flowers, a bench, chimes, feeders, stones and more are all planned. Don’t worry when it is complete I will be sure and post a picture. Because it will be shaded mostly I am going to have to think in regards to the flowers that I choose to grow. It does get some sun yet I would say for the most part it is partly shade to shade.

This weekend brings the holiday of Easter. I am still trying to think of a way I can justify coloring eggs, seeing that my grandkids are over 700 miles away. I did purchase the eggs, just in case I get a wild hair and just do it… A visit to the mothers this weekend is also on the schedule. I will spend Saturday working on the food that we are going to be taking up with us. I found some wonderful strawberries. I figured strawberry shortcake with homemade whip cream sounded yummy. Tomorrow my eldest son and his family are coming over for dinner. It is always nice to see them. A relaxing afternoon visiting with some food off the grill sounds nice. It has been a good week thus far.

Hope that likewise it has been an enjoyable one for all of you. Here is hoping that the weekend finds you in good spirits and lots of blessings. I know that some of you have seen some heavy rains. Hopefully the weekend will bring drier conditions and a visit from Mr. Sun. Wishing you a wonderful holiday and many blessings to you and yours.

Here Comes The Sun - And Its Alright

What can I say I spent the bulk of my day outside yesterday. The sunshine and the upper 60 degree temperatures were too much of a temptation. I had to succumb to them. There is so much I have wanted to do in my yard and although I can not quite do everything, I am able to make a good start at it.

It is truly so therapeutic to spend some time in the sunshine. I myself like to have my hands in a pile of dirt which I intend to do today. I found some wonderful cannas bulbs yesterday when I ran to town that I had to pick some up. The ones I have planted now are the orange yellow blend. So I purchased some darker reds and pinks to blend in with them. I also intend to start that project of clearing out under my elm for the fairy garden I intend to build. All in all I should be kept busy today and get my recommended supply of vitamin D from the sun.

I will say that I did not forget my blog entirely yesterday. I rose early near 5 am yesterday with full intent of getting all my writing and such out of the way. Yet the bulk of my morning was spent working with my computer in regards to the fact that I may have been infected with some nasty virus. After 3 and half hours I said forget this and commenced with the rest of my day. I decided to wait until my son gets back from Mexico next week and talk to him about what is going on. Yea, he is once again gallivanting off to have fun. The snow in DC started to wear him and his girlfriend down and they escaped. They were even sweet enough to ask Vince and I to come along yet Vince’s job did not allow him the time off. And well, mother in tow just did not sound like a good idea… I mean really I would like to have a little fun.. And when you don’t have your sweetie with you, enough said. Back to my virus issue. Hopefully it is not anything serious. Yet it is a good excuse to start looking at that Mac I have been wanting for some time.

I would like to thank all of you for the lovely comments that you left on my post for Wednesday in regards to the empty nest. I will say that I am a momma at heart. Sometimes I think it is what I was brought mainly to this world to do. It is easy to momma those who are not your own. One is usually much more lenient and the sheer fact that you are not their true mother sometimes seems to make them like you that much more. That being said, the post was inspired by a disagreement that I had with my daughter. Sometimes no matter how hard you attempt to communicate it just does not make sense.

The post was very cathartic for me. I am also happy to say that we managed to work things out. I am often reminded that the scars of divorce can last a lifetime. I do not know why this seems to surprise me when it involves my children. I still feel the loss from my parent’s divorce yet that is an entirely different set of circumstances. I guess I like to think that I try my best to do all it is that I may need to do. Yet every situation is different, a set of occurrences all its own. Thank you again for listening. Amazing how some of the comments seemed to be directed directly at the situation without even knowing what it was. But that is evidence of the sweet morsels of wisdom that come to us when we need them if we only keep our ears open and listen.

Well enough of my ramblings…. Time to get my day started. It is time to go outdoors to enjoy the sunshine. I am eager to shovel up a little dirt and plant those cannas. Hope that everyone’s weekend is a delightful one and that each one of you are blessed with a visit from Mr. Sun. Blessings

Thursday Ramblings.... Just Thinkinig Outloud

Is is obvious that I am in denial about this frigid weather we seem to be having?  Yesterday I received several of my annual seed and flower catalogs and looked through them for hours, many of them more than once.  The bright colors just seemed to warm me  and take the reality of the wind blowing outside and the ice forming on the window away.    I keep telling myself that this is colder than usual, 20 to 30 degrees colder than usual, and that it is only a phase that will pass.  I am hoping that my plans to deceive myself will eventually work.  Either that or warmer more normal temperatures will return.

This time of year also makes me realize that I have lived in Oklahoma far too long to ever transplant myself anywhere else, of course its a remote tropical island that I just happen to fall into.  I am a warm weather girl.  I prefer to wear as few clothes as possible.  Never was too crazy about bundling on layers and try to manuever myself in the cold.  I do enjoy a cold brisk day with no wind, although that is an event that seldom happens here in Oklahoma... Wind is like a constant.  It is the reason that most of the trees here all lean slightly.  And at the moment its a howling outside. 

Vincent has been home the last week, so of course my schedule and routine has been thrown to the wind.  It has been good spending time with him.  We have visited friends and family and just had some good time alone together, but it is time that I get back to my things before I am completely snowed under.  Housework that is not necessarily urgent yet is a weekly routine, daily blog writing, as well as reading of everyones posts, my writing and other things that I do on those days when I am here all alone. 

As you can see although I have not written in a few days there really is not much going on.  Cold... Cold... and more cold... the sun is shining though.  And if you sit in the warmth of the house and just focus on the brillance of its rays flooding through the window you can imagine it a bit more spring like.  I ignore the fact that the pond is totally frozen and there is still snow on the ground that has not had a chance to thaw since Christmas Eve.  And sometimes the ice that has formed on the outside of the window makes it a bit difficult to see, yet I have a vivid imagination and try my best to look beyond all that.... Enjoy your Thursday, and for those of you who are lucky enough to share in my frigid adventures, stay warm... And for those of you who are not as fortunate and have to endure warmer temps... wish you were here....