Just Call Me Grandma

I am sure that many if not all of you know the delight I get from my grand kids.  It is a feeling that is difficult to describe and put into the right words and feel as if you have been able to convey all that you wanted too.  They have helped me to understand so many facets about life and relationships.  I am quite thankful for all the lessons learned.

I also enjoy how each one has their own special place in your heart and  their personality seems to give you its own unique relationship.  There is no one who makes me feel more like a grandma then my grandson, Brexton. It is funny, as they all call me GG yet he seems to make me want to call myself grandma.

From day one he has been a little lover and one who could melt your heart in an instance with his smile and charm.  Shortly after he was born, his mom and sister moved in with us and they were part of our household for almost three years.  Being able to be a part of his life from birth until then is a gift I will never take for granted.  It was complete bliss.

He is as most little boys are... all male.  From an extremely young age he was always one of those little kids that loved the silky material.  When he was only months old and his momma took him to the mall with her, he had his first visit to a Victoria Secrets store.  Because of his size of course he was in a stroller.  You have to love how stores put things down at kids eye levels, especially in a store where there is simply nothing there for a small child.  Of course this wasn't the case for him. He was in heaven with all that silky material everyewhere.  He kept pulling pairs of silky panties out of the lower bins and of course momma kept taking them away and putting them back. 

On return to her car when all her shopping was done, as she unbuckled Brexton to place him back into his car seat, what did she find tucked neatly underneath him but a pair of silk undies.  What a momento for years later when he fooling around with all his friends.  He's a stud alright.  He's been that way from day one.

Yet the one thing I see in him is also a sweet compassion for all those around him.  He has a gentle nature and seems to sense when others may not feel well, whether physically or emotionally. He is quick to come up and give you one of his special big hugs and tell you that he loves you. 

He turns four the first September and it is hard to believe that he is getting that old.  I miss seeing him everyday and being part of his active child life yet I have been blessed to still get to see him often despite the distance that is now between us.  And still he can still make me smile like no other.  I have always enjoyed the fact that my grandkids call me GG.  Not even sure how or why they do so.  Yet he is one that if he ever wants to call me grandma, I will gladly let him do so. 

Understanding The Empty Nest

I never really thought much about the empty nest syndrome. I know that it pertains to when your children move out of the house and on with lives of their own. Sometimes the move is local and still they are near enough that you can visit them on occasion. Yet there are times when they move much further away. My children are a little of both. My oldest son is near enough that we can visit whenever we like. My other son is in DC and my daughter is in Tennessee. This has been an adjustment especially since 2 (soon to be 3) of my grandkids also reside in Tennessee. Their moving left me with much of a similar feeling as I babysat them for a good portion of time before they moved.

I have learned over time that although we as mothers look at our children forever as a child, they do grow up and they do create a family and life of their own. There does come a time when this is made quite evident. I have always tried to not be the kind of mother that nags too much or seems to butt into their lives more than usual. Yet still I am reminded from time to time that I may need to make adjustments. I do not agree with all the requests that may be made. Yet I do understand that it is their lives and the ultimate choice is rightfully theirs.

I will say that the relationship between my children and myself over time has caused me to reevaluate my relationship with my mother. Maybe that is just the way the evolution of parenting goes. When you are young you do not realize what some of your words or actions may do. You view them from your point of view and they are rightfully justified. Yet as time moves on and you find yourself in a similar situation yet on the other side, you realize that such things may be more hurtful or harsh then you ever meant them to be. This goes both ways I think.

I have learned that this growing process can be painful to all who are involved. Whether or not it is a smooth process depends much on the communication and/or relationship between those involved. Patience is an asset that is greatly needed and helpful for either party. An open mind and a realization that there is discomfort felt by all who are involved is also something that is good to know.

Am I suffering from empty nest? I am not sure really. Sometimes I think I am, as I miss the interaction and relationship that I used to have with my children. Yet I see them in their new families and activities and know that they are happy and evolving well into the world. I am proud of their accomplishments and the challenges that they place ahead of themselves to continue to become all that eventually they will be. I understand the restraints of distance and the fact that it keeps the once easy visits from happening. I understand the need for time together alone as their own family to help build tradition and form a history of their own.

Still I miss them. Still I wish that I were momma again. I was far from the perfect mother. Is there such a thing? I think we all learn as we go. Trying to be and do the best we can. Looking back sometimes and thinking maybe if I had done this or not done that. Yet things in the past are just that… in the past. I think I will call my mother today. I think I will tell her how much she means to me and how much I appreciate all she has ever done for me. I think I will let her know that although I may not show it all the time that I truly do love and above all respect her. She did the best she could. No she was not perfect, but she was there.

Maybe we don’t get to be called momma again until our children are older. Until they too have gone through the times and trials of parenting that help them to eventually understand the actions we may or may not have taken. Maybe it is not until this time that we have enough time to sit and listen to their side of the story. Maybe that is what the empty nest is all about.

In A Perfect World........

In a perfect world.... there would be no crying, at least not because one was sad...

In a perfect world..... there would be no hatred or jealousy towards others for no reason...

In a perfect world..... Only kind words and love would be shared amongst each other....

In a perfect world.....

Wait, we don't live in a perfect world, and unfortunately we never will.  There will always be someone somewhere who is crying because they are lonely, feel unloved, hurting, sad, and so on... There will always be those who lash out in unjustified hatred or jealousy towards someone for no reason except that they feel threatened.  There will always be someone somewhere who needs to be held and loved.

Yet there will also still be those who share kind words with those in need.  There will be those who if only via a smile will give of themselves.  There will be those wonderful people who know just when you need a hug and give you an extra tight one when its needed.  There will still be the total stranger who says just the right words at just the right time. 

I am so thankful for that assurance.  When I began this blog back in July of this year I guess you could say that I was lonely.  I felt a void in regards to the kind of people whom I felt could understand me and my beliefs and such.  I held so much of myself inside of me because of this and truly did not feel that I could share with many.  As I met others with like thoughts it reassured me and I was excited about the prospects of people whom I would be able to finally share with.  I am not sure what I was expecting exactly.  That coming out and claiming myself Pagan would solve all the issues I once felt I had. 

I have to laugh at myself now... when I think back on this... for I have learned that there truly is nothing new under the sun.... I have met some truly wonderful people via blogland, many whom I know I can say with confidence will be in my life for many years to come.  A few who will be like family to me til the day I pass.... This makes me smile and be so thankful.  Yet also I know that I have met some whom are not as nice, and this makes me sad. 

I think that it is harder sometimes via blogland to decipher people such as this.  It is so easy to speak a colorful word and make oneself appear so wonderful.  To wrap our words in honey and sugar and pretty pictures and intice those who read them to think "Oh she is so sweet she has to be a wonderful person."  Yet still things can be said and done in a subtle manner that can offend someone and at times one or both are not even aware.  And just as in real life (outside of blogland) the message can spread and soon one is thought ill of with no good reason. 

I am not really sure why I am writing this all... I have seen signs of such behavior and I have been told of such behavior... Never will I speak any names as truly that only adds to the fire and helps it to continue to burn.  Yet truly I think that in some way we are all here for the same reason when it comes down to the bare nuts and bolts of it... we all had words which we wanted to speak for one reason or the other.  We had a message we felt compeled to share.  And truly I think that if the truth be known everyone of us has helped someone in some way, many at times without us even realizing it, as not everyone who reads our words leave a comment to verify their existence or the magnitude in which they were touched. 

I am thankful for the kind words that are left in my comment boxes, yet am just as thankful for the disagreements that may appear. It is through open communication that one learns.  I know that to many this post will make no sense what so ever.. yet it is just something that I felt I needed to say....

Blessings to All of you ...