Believe... And Maybe You Too Could Fly

Don’t believe what your eyes are telling you

All they show is limitation

Look with your understanding

Find out what you already know

And you will see the way to fly.

-Richard Bach-

I have often marveled at the making of a successful person. Many times it is the sheer luck of being in the right place at the right time. Yet more than that I think the need for the attribute of perseverance needs to be present. You know the ability to continually get up after being knocked down again and again.

Although many times it can appear that the one who has reached their goal of success seemed to just waltz their way through life and suddenly there they are; more times than not there is a story behind that journey. Usually the story is a long one. I once read that in order to be a success at something you need to have completed the task at least a total of ten thousand times. This doesn’t really sound like much yet when you start to apply it to whatever it is you are wanting to master you realize the time and dedication that is needed to truly do such a thing. It is not something that will happen overnight and without some trials.

Many of us do not have the ability to do this. There are many reasons that keep us from accomplishing such a goal. Slothfulness is probably the biggest. The procrastination bug has bit us all at one time or the other. Some of us are much more susceptible to its bite then others and its symptoms linger and never completely leave. It can be a tough disease to recuperate from. It seems that there is always something that we need to do and thus we postpone taking the extra time to work on our dream. We fool ourselves by telling ourselves that we will do it when we finish what we feel is so pressing at the time. Yet in reality we know that at the end of the day that time will not be there for one reason or the other. Either we found more things that needed our attention or we have given all our energy to the things before, leaving none for ourselves and our wishes.

There is also the doubting bug. Its bite can become just as troublesome. Planting ideas into one’s mind to question the need for such devotion to be given to something that one may never ever accomplish and even if they eventually do, the success they seek may not be what they wanted in the first place. Such a bite has the ability to cascade into a series of questions in one’s mind that can leave them confused as to whether their actions are really even worth the effort and even more so the cost. This eventually causes stagnation and in many times a total shut down of any activity towards the desired destination. A feeling of guilt can also accompany; which can itself manifest into a whole other issue.

The ability to sacrifice is also a trait that one must possess. One can juggle the many tasks that may be in front of them for so long until finally a decision will need to be made as to the priority of each one. When this is finally done, there will be things that will fall to the side. Many times when this happens, the things that must be limited are things that can possibly be of great importance. One must realize though that this limitation should not last forever. Usually it is for a time period in order to accomplish a given task. When this occurs in regards to people it can be a trying thing. I often think that it is more difficult for an overly emotional person to travel this road as they are often pulled between their desire for their goal and the need to tend to those who feel that they are being ignored. Too often when this occurs, they will side with the individual or situation at hand as it is present - then and now as compared to their task which may not be something that is concrete and in front of them yet.

Regardless… we all have dreams and aspirations in us. Some lie dormant for years and never see their fruition into reality. It is easier to hold it back and look at it fondly as a dream. In this way we can see it as we think it ought to be and not how it may actually be. Seldom in ones dream do we have any of the negativity that may occur if we were to truly take the actual journey. Also we can say to ourselves, if I had truly wanted to I could have done…… You fill in the blank. We have all been there and done that.

Others strive towards their dreams all their lives never actually getting to the final point. It always seems that there is something that has precedence over it. Constantly we place it on the back burner until we feel we can give it the time we feel we truly need to give to it. When in truth, such a time seldom comes. Some are content with this method. Much like the continual dreamer, it allows them to hold on to the reality they wish they could achieve. Others form a foul taste in their mouth for the dream that in the beginning was everything. Now it only leaves them yearning and regretful.

There are even those who choose denial as a means to deal with their aspirations for themselves. They tell themselves that really it is not that important to them. They are quite content with an occasional dabble in it yet they never really wanted to give the full energy that it would require to see if they had it in them to accomplish it. It was a silly notion of youth and that was all. Definitely it was nothing that a serious adult would ever consider. They have too many other responsibilities that they feel are much more important than any silly dream they may have held in their heart since they were a child.

Then there are those who have a dream, a desire to reach something. It is stronger than anything they have ever felt. They start on their journey towards what they hope to be their final goal. They falter along the way of course. There are setbacks and unforeseen obstacles at times. Sometimes they occur more often they wished. There are even times when they sit and contemplate the option of giving up. Yet each time this comes up they ultimately reach the conclusion that it is not an option. There may be times that they slow their cadence yet always they continue. They know that to stop would only hinder the cause. They always have their eye on the final point they see clearly in their mind. It is not necessarily success but to finish the journey; to complete that which they have started. To see what the outcome of their commented endeavor brings.

I would bet that there are many out there who have chased a dream. And when they accomplished all that they had wished to do, they are not necessarily a famous rock star or a bestselling author. They are someone who pursued their dream and took the steps to accomplish their goal. It is a good feeling to say that you completed a task, even if the end result was not exactly what you had wished it would have been.

So I urge you out there with a dream in the back of your mind. The secret wish you have inside that you may have never shared with anyone in fear that they would think you foolish to think such thoughts. I urge you to start that journey; whether it is from the very beginning and taking your first step or starting back up again on something that you sat to the side for whatever reason. Follow with vigor the path that leads towards your wishes. Give to your journey the time and energy needed to help bring it to full view. Delight in the experience of your travels and the experience it will bring into your life. Allow yourself to be happy in being good to you.

There will be those of course that will still scoff at you. There always are those kinds. Yet much like the saying above, look not with your eyes or listen with your ears… for they do all have limitations. A true dream gives your foresight inside; something that cannot be seen or heard but felt. If we could all but trust our intuition and believe in what we know deep down to be true….. Maybe we all could fly.

My Choice - A Little Rant

Approximately 13 years ago my life was at a point where I could no longer continue in the manner I had been for the previous 17 years. My marriage had evolved to a point where although I was willing to consider working to resolve any and all of the cracks that had grown through the years, I knew that it was a near to impossible thought. It is impossible to constructively work on any issues if both sides are not willing to give 100% in order to accomplish the task. I knew that I could no longer live in the manner in which I had been. I also knew that there were three kids who would also go on this crazy ride and this was possibly the one thing that almost made me stay and endure despite the slow erosion that I could see occurring to my being. Yet in the end I made the decision that I knew was the right one for myself.

I knew that if I was not to tend to myself and see that I had the possibility to be myself, I would never be able to give to my children all that I had inside of me. I had already kept from them so much of me through the early years of their lives because of the union I had been a part of. Thus I started my journey down this path that in the beginning looked to be the roughest I would ever choose. I remember many times when I sat in the dark and asked myself what had I done? Why had I left the “normalness” of my previous life? Why did I choose to be shunned by prior friends because of the rumors that my ex choose to spread? Why did I choose to lose any financial security I had. Why did I choose to let my children go through this ordeal?

Each time I sat there, by the end of my questioning I would always come to the same conclusion. I choose to do what I did because I could see no other way to get back any piece of myself that may still be there. For 17 years I had allowed my identity to be taken and put in a closet. I allowed my children to be born and raised to near their teenage years never really knowing who their mother was. All because I thought that eventually it would change. All because I thought that no one could be so selfish and uncaring.

In the beginning it was hard… It was close to impossible at times. The dark tunnels I traveled all alone had such a grip on me that I feared I would never find any glimmer of light that would eventually lead me to what I wanted so much to believe was somewhere out there for me. Of course I made some not so good choices. I am thankful that such choices did not devour me as they easily could have. I am not sure what exactly it was that gave me the strength to keep getting up each time I slipped back into the darkness. I just know that I did not want to remain there any longer. I did not want my children to remember me in such a way.

It has been 13 years since I started this journey. The road has eased much, yet still there are times when it lends memories of the past rough terrain. I am not sure if it will ever become absent of such travel yet its frequency has lessened greatly, occurring only unfortunately when the 3 children that started the journey with us are involved. Still it tugs at me as before. He always knew how to get to me the quickest…with my children. I will say that I am much better at dealing and responding to such action at this time in my life. Although difficult sometimes, I have to allow him his behavior. I have to be careful that he does not pull me into his drama and in his manipulative way form the outcome to appear that I am in the wrong.

This has forever been a fine line and will continue to be. Yet I have been through trials before in my life. I have learned that release is the best combative force one can use. To hold onto anger only creates bitterness. In the end, bitterness will only affect and damage me. It will never have any affect towards righting any of the wrongs that I feel may have been played against me. It will not demand any justice from him who initially caused this feeling inside of me. It will only sit deep inside of me. Covering me slowly with its blackness until eventually I would be consumed completely. Soon all whom I would care about would be affected by this disease. Soon because of its ugliness they would be tempted to keep their distance. Soon I would be all alone left only with my anger and the blackness it had created.

So I choose to release…to let go of the desire to get even or to get back when still he taunts me with his subtle ways. To ignore the attempts to still compete with me in regards to the children and now the grandchildren. Some may think that I should do something… Stand up for myself… And maybe someday if the fates allow me that perfect opportunity when I know that all is aligned as it should be I will speak the words that I should have said a long time ago. Yet until that moment comes, I will not allow his bitterness to affect me. I will move on with my life. I will enjoy the newness and joys that have replaced the prior. I will release my pain.

I have used this same method of dealing with unpleasant issues throughout my life. Some are done easily and quickly while others take a bit more time and sometimes are quite painful. Yet travel is so much easier when we choose not to take along any needless excess baggage that has no purpose on our journey. In the end only weighting us down and keeping us from many of the wonderful places we could see and experience if only we were not so burdened and worn by our heavy load. I can only speak for myself… yet I would like to see as much of this life as possible, especially the good stuff. Blessings to you all.

An Open Mind

I have always been one who ponders… Some call it a thinker. You know the one who takes something and examines it relentlessly attempting to figure its mechanisms out so that they can understand how exactly it all works. With something that is solid and can be held in one’s hands this is not necessarily a bad thing. Yet when applied to a simple thought or act it can become a quite enormous feat. Some things are just as simple as they may appear. They need no elaborate thought process to bring them into light for us to see their clarity.

 

We have what we seek…

It is there all the time, and if we give it time…

It will make itself known to us

“Thomas Merton”

Still I will think on it…attempting to look at it from all sides and perspectives. As time has passed in my life this process has brought me much insight on certain issues… especially when it comes to seeing it from a perspective other than my own. It is hard sometimes to do this. Most of us feel quite passionate about our views and feel that we have examined it to the point that we know enough of the facts to make our final decision. Yet I have learned there are often other sides, other views, which I have at times not taken into consideration. This simple realization has taken me leaps and bounds ahead of where I began within my journey in life. It has also helped me to understand others as well as myself more. Most people are quite willing to discuss their ideas and views if they do not feel that they are being threatened when doing so. Given the right approach two people with quite different views on a said subject can comfortably sit and discuss it and in the end both come out with new insight.

The way is not in the sky,

The way is in the heart.

“Buddha”

There is so much wisdom out in the world…wisdom which comes from so many walks of life. It is sad to think that there are so many who will never gain from such wisdom because they have chosen to keep a closed mind in regards to certain individuals based simply on their beliefs, race, and/or culture. What is it that keeps one from listening? Could it possibly be a feeling that in doing so they may forfeit some of themselves and lose credibility? Maybe it is the loss of power they feel they will lose if they give any of their ground away. Power plays such a large part in so many struggles. Even when one feels that they are not right and they know that the opposing side holds good points and is in the end the better choice, they will fight for what they represent simply because they do not wish to lose. Why is it that we “enjoy” telling others what is right and what is wrong. Why do we feel such power in being the one who has the last say? Quite possibly because deep down all of us want to have some form of importance to ourselves. We want to feel as if our participation is needed and at times even non-replaceable. Truth is though that any of us can be replaced at any time. True there are some who have such talents that replacement could be a bit of a challenge yet in the end the job can be filled if needed.

It is an individual decision that each one has to make. The decision as to how open we will be to the things around us. Will we open our minds and allow thoughts that are different than our own to be heard? Will we consider the affects that such thoughts could bring? Will we even go as far as to consider the negativity that our own thoughts could bring? Taking it even a step further and changing our thought process if needed, despite the fact that it could shun us from some of those around us. Will we give up the control so that the right thing can eventually be accomplished?

Hopefully so… Hopefully as time continues a new awakening will emerge and the desire to have “my way” or no way will subside. We will finally see the need to work together for the common good as opposed to each struggling to get our own way at whatever the cost may be. Maybe it is just my overly optimistic outlook that helps me to feel that it will eventually be a reality. Yet I hope it is a glimpse at the evolution of man to come. For it is truly in all of us to be such creatures….If we choose to be.

A Positive Attitude

Recently in one of my journeys through blogland I ventured upon a quote used a post on one of my favorite sites to frequent (Rue & Hyssop). She always has insightful words that manage to make one think and this was no different. I wrote the quote down and it lay on my desk for some time. Each day I would see its wisdom and realize how true it rang.

“For everything you missed… You have gained something else

And for everything you gain…. You lose something else

It is about your outlook towards life.

You can choose to Regret…. Or you can choose to Rejoice

How many times has something happened that at the time it appears to be one if not the worst thing that could have occurred? You rack you brain as to how it could have been avoided and what you will do now that it has happened. Yet in time as it comes to fruition you see that there was purpose to the cycle… Something occurs that would not have occurred if the prior “mishap” had not occurred.

There is always something positive in any situation. Sometimes it is hard to see the silver lining that may be so faint that the darkness of the clouds that it encircles keeps you from focusing on it. Yet still it is present. Sometimes it is not immediate that you are blessed with the goodness of a situation. Sometimes it can take time… Sometime it can take years….. Sometimes you may never see it… yet it is still present. Sometimes the gain is not necessarily for you, yet for another. Who through your trial and manner in which you handle and work through it, are inspired in an area of their lives to do likewise.

For those times that you feel you missed out on something that you should have had… and you wonder what it would have been like to have experienced it… There is another time that was given to you instead. A moment with just as much hope and just as much aspiration as the other… It may not be evident at that moment. Yet the question is what you will do with that moment. Will you squander it and give little or no attention to it as it was not “the moment” that you wanted or felt you deserved. You will sulk and hide in your corner for those things that you feel you lost. Blaming it on some unfair injustice that should never have happened?

It is not an easy thing to endure hard times. Such things as finances, relationships, and so on can come close to devastating one. Yet still the attitude that one holds during such times has a strong effect on how the story will play out. An attitude of bitterness and blame slowly builds walls that hold out the comfort and release one needs to work through such issues and move on with their lives. It keeps the anger always present and lurking in the shadows… never allowing the pain to heal. Sometimes release of such feelings can be a major feat. Letting go of something that has been your way of life for such a long time means change… Change means the possibility of discomfort… And although one may be in major discomfort already… The familiar discomfort is much easier to handle than an all together new discomfort.

I count myself so blessed to have the makeup that I have as a person. It took me some time to realize that it was not as easy for some to release such feelings. It was my feeling of not much self worth that thought that if I could do it anyone could. I realized in time that this was not the case. I will be honest and say that at times I do not have the patience I maybe should have in regards to some who are struggling with issues in their lives. Yet I think that this is mainly because I made a decision at an extremely young age to not allow the derogatory events of my life to keep me down. Don’t get me wrong… it was not an easy task at times to keep this promise to myself. There were many times that I felt I was lost in the darkness of my own sorrow to the point that I questioned if I would ever see light. Yet it was the consistent urge in me to keep going…The feeling that has always been in me that there is something better.

I do not talk much about the negative aspects of my life… I have never been one that opens freely and tosses out all the darkness that has occurred. I will at times, if I feel that my experiences can be a tool to comfort of help the situation. Yet mostly I keep them silent. It was hard enough to live through them the first time. Why would I want to continually relive such pain over and over… and even more when there is no good reason to endure such a thing?

I challenge you to ask yourself the question… Do you regret or do you rejoice… There are a couple things in my life that I have wondered about in regards to the choice I made and the results of that choice. I wonder if I should have chosen differently. I think if given the chance I may choose differently. Yet I also know that that is not a choice therefore it is an act I must accept and live with. I overall chose to rejoice. Rejoice in the chances I have been given… Rejoice in the blessings that have been bestowed upon me over and over again… and yes I even rejoice for the trials and pain that I have endured. As I know through even the deepest ones that there was much to be learned and gained.

Growth can be a painful experience. It can pull at parts of one that create great pain. It can take you to depths of yourself that you never thought existed. It can bring forth in one a clarity that is beyond explanation. There is nothing that is simply promised to be given to you. The road to any great gain is usually hard. Yet in the end when all is said and done the journey was well worth the effort and the sacrifice that was given. Rejoice… Rejoice and embrace all that you are… and all that you can be.

The Quickening - Part Two

The stirring that is felt in a mother's womb when she first feels the infant move is referred to as the quickening.  That soft flutter as if butterflies are inside your stomach.  Sometimes you wonder if you even truly felt anything yet soon you trust its validity. I remember the first time I felt my first child.  I was sitting in a college library, researching a paper .  There were people all around me.  Life was continuing as it always does, and then I felt it.  It was the slightest movement and even at that time I remember wondering how I could have noticed.  Yet it seemed immediately that all else stopped and I was only concerned with that ever so slight touch of life.    A magical moment that only a mother can relate to.  The magick of life inside of you.  A true blessing. 

Often at this time of year, we hear again this word, quickening.  I will be honest and say that before now when I heard the word the first thing that came to my mind was Andrian Paul from Highlander.  And what can I say, it is not that bad of an image to come to ones mind.  In this instance, the quickening refered to the transferance of energy that occurred when one immortal beheaded another immortal.  Yes I admit I was an avid watcher.  Yet enough of these lusty thoughts and back to what I meant to write about in the first place. 

 Now the word has taken on a much deeper meaning to me.  It brings to mind the birth of my 3 children and the time I carried them until their birth.  It brings to mind the planting of a seed into the soft furtile soil and watching it slowly poke its head out into the sunlight to grow upward.  It brings to mind the idea of the beginning of life.  This is a time when out of the darkness of winter,  life and light slowly emerges.  From the quietness of winters hibernation life comes forth.  A cycle that continues year after year. 

Yet then why does it seem so different this year.  Possibly it is because I have choosen to focus on my naturalist side more.  In doing this I can not help but notice the changes more.  Possibly it is because I have started this blog and on an almost daily basis I write in regards to that which seems to move me or touch me.  This definately keeps such things in  the forefront of my memory.  Possibly it is because there is just a keener sense of it now.  Many people have commented on my posts as well as written posts of their own describing the restlessness they are feeling deep inside of themselves.  They too have felt the quickening.  They too have felt the sense of urgency yet unsure exactly as to what the feeling relates specifically to.  Possibly something on a grander scale?  I guess it could be.  I have always felt that there are some that feel the vibrations of the earth more than others.  There are always subtle clues, yet because they are subtle sometimes they go unnoticed. 

So many times we allow the rat race we call life to consume us in a manner that blocks out the small voices that call us on a daily basis.  I understand that life does go on and there are needs that need to be met.  It is not as if we can just wander about with no responsibility.  Yet still there are times when we do allow ourselves to be covered with the "muck of life".  This in turn blocks our senses from so much that the "earth" has to offer us.  I am thankful for my quiet moments when I can be silent and allow nothing to come in yet hear everything.  I have learned the importance of making time for them and also the wealth they can bring.  It was a learning process I will admit, yet a lesson that was well learned. 

I guess there was a reason I woke at 4:30 today.  Finally instead of staying in bed as I do all other times, I choose to get up.  No matter what I did to try and return to the pleasure of sleep beneath my warm covers, it did not work. There was a reason.  There always is a reason... I will be honest and say that much of what is occurring for me these days is all new.  However I do not think I would really want it any other way.  It is always fun when on ones journey the scenery changes and there are new sites to see instead of the old usual ones.

As each of you continue on, as each of you experience your own quickening, I wish you good journey.  Take time to be silent and listen.  Take time to stop and enjoy the beauty that surrounds you.  Take time to be good to yourself.  Too often we do not remember ourselves until everyone else has been tended.  This is a daily process.  And in truth we all know that very seldom do we ever tend "everyone/everything in one day.  When the next day comes, we start at the top of the list again in our attempt to complete it.  All too often forgetting the person at the bottom - ourselves. 

Have a wonderful weekend.  For those of you to get snow (and a bunch it sounds like) stay warm and be safe... And one last thing.... Go Colts.....

Monday Morning Rambling, a Day Late

Yes, yesterday was a Monday.  It is the day of the week that most identify with a bad day.  Why is that?  A good reason could be that it is when most are finishing up a delightful weekend only to have to return to the dredges of work once more.  Not necessarily a wonderful thought.  Yet for me yesterday  was a wonderful day.  I always seem to think I am going to be super woman on Mondays.  Tackle all the many things I need to do and make a decent dent into their completion.  It seldom works out that way..... Uusally I end up doing things that need to be done yet are nowhere near to the list I created, among lots of things that suddenly spring up unexpected... So of course they were not even considered at the time of the list's preperation.  It makes for a good excuse anyway at the end of the day.  By the way, my unexpected need that sprung up yesterday:  The beautiful sunshine - I ended up sitting outdoors in it all afternoon.  Although many may argue for me it was a need that just needed to be fulfilled. 

Yet I had no intention of writing in regards to Mondays or unforseen chores that happen out of the clear blue.  I have been trying for some time to frantically catch up with blog reading since before the holidays.  Several times I have just given up as there is just too many.  Yet there are a few out there that I don't want to miss out on.  It seems that the new year has gotten many of those in blogland energized with a new sense of purpose.  Some I truly think  do not even realize that they have it, yet thier post have definately exhibited the added adrenaline.  Depth is a good word to describe the overall feel of January posts.  I do hope that this pattern continues as I have read some wonderful posts.  They have been filled with knowledge not only found in books yet also from self experience and a true intuitiveness. 

I wonder sometimes if many of the writers realize just how profound their words are at times when they place them down for so many to read.  Some think they are way too young and early in their journey.  They are only starting out.  How can anything they say really enlighten anyone.  They are simply writing their progress down as an outlet for themselves in hopes that some support may be had.  There are others, older in age, who have been traveling for some time yet never really thought of themselves as someone whose journey was an eventful one or whose abilities on that journey were anything to really shout about.  They too are looking for some encouragement to continue on their trek as at times it seems lonely and the desire to sit for a long spell can be overwhelming.  It seems that even the seasoned travelers sometime take for granted the jewels to be had in some of thier gifts to us per their daily posts.

I very much look forward to the coming weeks.  Thus far this year, I have been educated, enlightened, and energized with much of what I have read.  I truly hope that the trend continues and that we continue to receive the morsels that I am quickly becoming accustomed to.  Also I hope that those who hands and minds have penned so much of the things I speak of realize the importance inside of themselves and also the worth.  We are all individuals, each with a gift to give.  We need to believe in that gift and not belittle it or allow anyone else too.  The strength we find within ourselves to continue is the strongest and most durable there is, for no one can take it away lest we let them. 

So in closing I say a big thank you.... It is a grand thing technology... Guess we should all send a thank you note to Mr. Gore for inventing the internet.  What would we be without it.