What Brings Us Home....

So many times we stray from the path that we are traveling.  Sometimes what distracts us is something that can bring insight, clarity, and maybe even a good lesson.  Yet most of the time it is something that simply just distracts us. 

     Over the last few years I feel like I have been distracted big time.  A number of things have been the culprit.  A few of them were I guess understandable: My husband's stroke in 2012, My mom's heart attack and open heart surgery in 2015, The birth of my eighth grand baby and name sake Gemma Jane in 2014... Those were all events which still have an effect on my time and  energy.  However that is life... It doesn't stop for us and wait until we are ready for it to start up again.  It continues to move... It continues to evolve.  

     During this time there has been moments for me... Sometimes those moments were few and far between but thankfully they were still there.  Just when I thought I could not go on anymore... like I would scream and never stop.... like I would just give up... that is when these "moments" would occur.  Oh I love how the world works... How the powers that be happen just at the right time... Pushing us to the brink of almost falling, almost giving up.  It is such times that help us to grow, help us to grow those wonderful callouses that helps us to get through life.  

     My rune making is one of the things that really helped me at these times... The working of the wood, the focusing on the symbols their meanings... They brought me a solace that was able to calm me.. .They brought me home... They brought me back to me.. 

Little Blessings

Life never ceases to amaze me.  Whether it be in huge unavoidable manners that one can not help but see the cosmic clarity of or the small simple moments that come at even a more constant rate.  The later unfortunately we seem to miss all too often.  The volume of life is usually turned up way too loud. Such little noises that come along get drowned out and over looked.  Yet there are moments when silence is there and we are able to enjoy such wonderful tender notes.  It seems that this spring has been blessed with such tiny notes of laughter, color and simple bliss.  

I refused to believe that spring could have sprung so early.  Yet the more I see around me the more I can not help but be convinced that I may actually be wrong.  I still find myself crossing my fingers in hopes that a late visit from old man winter does not surprise us all and make the blanket of green spotted with purples, yellows and blues disappear.  

The days have been filled with fluffy white clouds laced with grey from the possibility of rain; tiny fingerlings of green sprouting out on the willows promising the soon arrival of leaves that will dance in the wind; buds of pink and purple with dots of blue  which line the bank of the pond where the tulips have sprouted and the grape hyacinth have decided to join their dance.  Needless to say Spring has definitely sprung.

  

It has been such things that have seemed to be my saving grace as of late.  The last two months have been eventful to say the least .  Vincent and I have found ourselves facing experiences that neither of us would have ever expected before they befell us. Each moment we feel that we may be seeing an end a new issue arises and we are reminded that sometimes patience is all that one can ask for.  

I  have always been one who welcomes a new life lesson.  Mind you I try hard not to request them as that is as silly as praying for patience.  Yet still when one comes along, although I may find myself whining in the beginning, I come around and am glad for the chance to learn more about life and all it has to offer.  When I take a few steps back and look at the situation in a whole I know that it could be so much worse than it appears at times.  Although I will say that when you are sailing along on calm waters, your hand lazily hung over the edge of the boat feeling the cool water as it slowly passes beneath you, and suddenly you are awaken by a change in current and realize that calm stream is leading straight to a waterfall.  Well lets just say that you are taken a bit by surprise.  

I am thankful though for the little things that have made themselves known to me throughout it all.  For it has been these little blessings that have helped me to get through much of it.  From the newness of spring to the birth of a new great niece to the wonderful words of encouragement from so many of my blog friends; I have truly been showered with blessings. 

 

It can be easy at times of difficulty and challenge in our lives to take a stance of self pity and negativity; To just sit down in our little puddle of mud and refuse to continue.   Yet eventually we will need to once again stand up and continue on; that is if we want to get out of the experience we may be in at the time. 

 

Nothing lasts forever – thank goodness.  Eventually everything will pass making way for yet another new adventure in our lives.  Some are good some are not so good.  Yet there is one thing that we can always be sure of.  Along the way of whatever may befall us, good or bad, we will be blessed with little blessings.  That is if we take the time to be still… open our eyes… look for them.. and listen.  Life is a never ending adventure of ups and downs each with its own special gift of enjoyment, sorrow, laughter and pain.  For those who refuse to embrace all that it has to offer, whether good or bad, has no idea what they are missing out on. 

 

Blessings to you and yours.

Procrastination and Chocolate

Another glorious week of life has passed us by and I cannot help but ask myself what I have accomplished. Strangely it went past rather quickly. That is probably because it was such an enjoyable week. Not necessarily that anything special happened; in fact I spent it mostly alone. Yet the weather was quite perfect and I was able to get outdoors more than I have in some time. That always seems to lift my spirits. Even the Mercury Retrograde that everyone seems to be talking about, although I can feel it, is not affecting me in a terrible way.

It is not as if I have sat on my butt all week and absolutely done nothing. The normal chores and errands have been completed. I have my Celtic Tree Lore posts completed for the next two months. I did some deep fall cleaning. I worked outdoors of course and spent some extra time tending my flowers and gardens. I have started working on Christmas gifts. Yet still I ask myself what I have accomplished. For some time I have wanted to start seriously working on my writing yet it seems that I always find some excuse or reason not to give it the time that I really want to give it. There really is no excuse that is adequate enough although I can always find one that I deem suitable to stop me.

This morning I ran across a quote by Robert Kennedy which somewhat kicked me in the butt as if trying to tell me exactly what I need to hear. “Only those who dare to fail greatly can ever achieve greatly.” It is not necessarily that I want a top ten bestseller book, although don’t get me wrong if the fate landed in my lap I would not turn my nose up at it. I just want to be able to say that I put my best foot forward and that I gave it my best attempt. Procrastination is my monster that lurks in the shadows and whispers those bad things to me that keeps me from doing the things I need to do… That and possibly a bit of senility as it seems I chase rabbits a bit more now than I ever used to. Yet even that I think could be called an excuse that I use for the dragging of my feet.

In the coming weeks and possibly longer I have promised myself to stop making excuses and to work on those things that I have kept back on the shelf telling myself that I will tend to them when I have adequate time. Really what is adequate time? Any woman knows that if we were to wait for the perfect moment to work on anything that we see as slightly selfish that it would never get done. Or at least not be given the same amount of time or importance that we give so many other things in our lives. It is not that the keeping of the household, the children, the husband, the job, and all the other things that we put before ourselves are not important. They all hold their special place in our hearts and for some no matter what we decide there are a few of those distractions that we will not budge.

Yet I do think it is important that a woman tends to herself; that she takes those special moments to treat herself and do things that she enjoys and loves. Some of us are able to do this a bit more than others. Our children have grown and are no longer at home. We have time in the day that is spent alone and we can steal those precious moments we so desire. Although I am very much in that situation; I still find myself putting myself at the bottom of the list. Which we all know means, that many times it is the one item that there just was not enough time for in the day. I will be honest and say that I do manage to have so much more “me” time than before and I do sympathize with mothers of young children at home. I know if I still here in that situation I would give my prime time to them. It is a woman’s nature to do such a thing.

In the long run though to give a little of the nurturing, that woman do so well, to oneself will benefit them greatly. It took me a while before I understood that statement. Yet when I realized that it was impossible to give anyone or anything my best if I was not giving my best to myself first, my life changed. As you can see I still regress back at times, yet like I have said before that is a woman’s way, we love to tend to others.

I guess what I am saying is I am going to have a little me time. I am going to give a bit more to the things that I enjoy and want to excel in and also jump off a few cliffs. I mean that figuratively of course. Take a few moments (or longer if you can ) this weekend and ponder on what it is you want out of yourself and then ask yourself what are you doing to achieve it. Eat a little chocolate while you think about it... Why? Because any woman knows that a little piece of chocolate can make any woman feel better. Blessings

My Choice - A Little Rant

Approximately 13 years ago my life was at a point where I could no longer continue in the manner I had been for the previous 17 years. My marriage had evolved to a point where although I was willing to consider working to resolve any and all of the cracks that had grown through the years, I knew that it was a near to impossible thought. It is impossible to constructively work on any issues if both sides are not willing to give 100% in order to accomplish the task. I knew that I could no longer live in the manner in which I had been. I also knew that there were three kids who would also go on this crazy ride and this was possibly the one thing that almost made me stay and endure despite the slow erosion that I could see occurring to my being. Yet in the end I made the decision that I knew was the right one for myself.

I knew that if I was not to tend to myself and see that I had the possibility to be myself, I would never be able to give to my children all that I had inside of me. I had already kept from them so much of me through the early years of their lives because of the union I had been a part of. Thus I started my journey down this path that in the beginning looked to be the roughest I would ever choose. I remember many times when I sat in the dark and asked myself what had I done? Why had I left the “normalness” of my previous life? Why did I choose to be shunned by prior friends because of the rumors that my ex choose to spread? Why did I choose to lose any financial security I had. Why did I choose to let my children go through this ordeal?

Each time I sat there, by the end of my questioning I would always come to the same conclusion. I choose to do what I did because I could see no other way to get back any piece of myself that may still be there. For 17 years I had allowed my identity to be taken and put in a closet. I allowed my children to be born and raised to near their teenage years never really knowing who their mother was. All because I thought that eventually it would change. All because I thought that no one could be so selfish and uncaring.

In the beginning it was hard… It was close to impossible at times. The dark tunnels I traveled all alone had such a grip on me that I feared I would never find any glimmer of light that would eventually lead me to what I wanted so much to believe was somewhere out there for me. Of course I made some not so good choices. I am thankful that such choices did not devour me as they easily could have. I am not sure what exactly it was that gave me the strength to keep getting up each time I slipped back into the darkness. I just know that I did not want to remain there any longer. I did not want my children to remember me in such a way.

It has been 13 years since I started this journey. The road has eased much, yet still there are times when it lends memories of the past rough terrain. I am not sure if it will ever become absent of such travel yet its frequency has lessened greatly, occurring only unfortunately when the 3 children that started the journey with us are involved. Still it tugs at me as before. He always knew how to get to me the quickest…with my children. I will say that I am much better at dealing and responding to such action at this time in my life. Although difficult sometimes, I have to allow him his behavior. I have to be careful that he does not pull me into his drama and in his manipulative way form the outcome to appear that I am in the wrong.

This has forever been a fine line and will continue to be. Yet I have been through trials before in my life. I have learned that release is the best combative force one can use. To hold onto anger only creates bitterness. In the end, bitterness will only affect and damage me. It will never have any affect towards righting any of the wrongs that I feel may have been played against me. It will not demand any justice from him who initially caused this feeling inside of me. It will only sit deep inside of me. Covering me slowly with its blackness until eventually I would be consumed completely. Soon all whom I would care about would be affected by this disease. Soon because of its ugliness they would be tempted to keep their distance. Soon I would be all alone left only with my anger and the blackness it had created.

So I choose to release…to let go of the desire to get even or to get back when still he taunts me with his subtle ways. To ignore the attempts to still compete with me in regards to the children and now the grandchildren. Some may think that I should do something… Stand up for myself… And maybe someday if the fates allow me that perfect opportunity when I know that all is aligned as it should be I will speak the words that I should have said a long time ago. Yet until that moment comes, I will not allow his bitterness to affect me. I will move on with my life. I will enjoy the newness and joys that have replaced the prior. I will release my pain.

I have used this same method of dealing with unpleasant issues throughout my life. Some are done easily and quickly while others take a bit more time and sometimes are quite painful. Yet travel is so much easier when we choose not to take along any needless excess baggage that has no purpose on our journey. In the end only weighting us down and keeping us from many of the wonderful places we could see and experience if only we were not so burdened and worn by our heavy load. I can only speak for myself… yet I would like to see as much of this life as possible, especially the good stuff. Blessings to you all.

A Positive Attitude

Recently in one of my journeys through blogland I ventured upon a quote used a post on one of my favorite sites to frequent (Rue & Hyssop). She always has insightful words that manage to make one think and this was no different. I wrote the quote down and it lay on my desk for some time. Each day I would see its wisdom and realize how true it rang.

“For everything you missed… You have gained something else

And for everything you gain…. You lose something else

It is about your outlook towards life.

You can choose to Regret…. Or you can choose to Rejoice

How many times has something happened that at the time it appears to be one if not the worst thing that could have occurred? You rack you brain as to how it could have been avoided and what you will do now that it has happened. Yet in time as it comes to fruition you see that there was purpose to the cycle… Something occurs that would not have occurred if the prior “mishap” had not occurred.

There is always something positive in any situation. Sometimes it is hard to see the silver lining that may be so faint that the darkness of the clouds that it encircles keeps you from focusing on it. Yet still it is present. Sometimes it is not immediate that you are blessed with the goodness of a situation. Sometimes it can take time… Sometime it can take years….. Sometimes you may never see it… yet it is still present. Sometimes the gain is not necessarily for you, yet for another. Who through your trial and manner in which you handle and work through it, are inspired in an area of their lives to do likewise.

For those times that you feel you missed out on something that you should have had… and you wonder what it would have been like to have experienced it… There is another time that was given to you instead. A moment with just as much hope and just as much aspiration as the other… It may not be evident at that moment. Yet the question is what you will do with that moment. Will you squander it and give little or no attention to it as it was not “the moment” that you wanted or felt you deserved. You will sulk and hide in your corner for those things that you feel you lost. Blaming it on some unfair injustice that should never have happened?

It is not an easy thing to endure hard times. Such things as finances, relationships, and so on can come close to devastating one. Yet still the attitude that one holds during such times has a strong effect on how the story will play out. An attitude of bitterness and blame slowly builds walls that hold out the comfort and release one needs to work through such issues and move on with their lives. It keeps the anger always present and lurking in the shadows… never allowing the pain to heal. Sometimes release of such feelings can be a major feat. Letting go of something that has been your way of life for such a long time means change… Change means the possibility of discomfort… And although one may be in major discomfort already… The familiar discomfort is much easier to handle than an all together new discomfort.

I count myself so blessed to have the makeup that I have as a person. It took me some time to realize that it was not as easy for some to release such feelings. It was my feeling of not much self worth that thought that if I could do it anyone could. I realized in time that this was not the case. I will be honest and say that at times I do not have the patience I maybe should have in regards to some who are struggling with issues in their lives. Yet I think that this is mainly because I made a decision at an extremely young age to not allow the derogatory events of my life to keep me down. Don’t get me wrong… it was not an easy task at times to keep this promise to myself. There were many times that I felt I was lost in the darkness of my own sorrow to the point that I questioned if I would ever see light. Yet it was the consistent urge in me to keep going…The feeling that has always been in me that there is something better.

I do not talk much about the negative aspects of my life… I have never been one that opens freely and tosses out all the darkness that has occurred. I will at times, if I feel that my experiences can be a tool to comfort of help the situation. Yet mostly I keep them silent. It was hard enough to live through them the first time. Why would I want to continually relive such pain over and over… and even more when there is no good reason to endure such a thing?

I challenge you to ask yourself the question… Do you regret or do you rejoice… There are a couple things in my life that I have wondered about in regards to the choice I made and the results of that choice. I wonder if I should have chosen differently. I think if given the chance I may choose differently. Yet I also know that that is not a choice therefore it is an act I must accept and live with. I overall chose to rejoice. Rejoice in the chances I have been given… Rejoice in the blessings that have been bestowed upon me over and over again… and yes I even rejoice for the trials and pain that I have endured. As I know through even the deepest ones that there was much to be learned and gained.

Growth can be a painful experience. It can pull at parts of one that create great pain. It can take you to depths of yourself that you never thought existed. It can bring forth in one a clarity that is beyond explanation. There is nothing that is simply promised to be given to you. The road to any great gain is usually hard. Yet in the end when all is said and done the journey was well worth the effort and the sacrifice that was given. Rejoice… Rejoice and embrace all that you are… and all that you can be.

Magical Uses of Ash

ecause of its straight grain, Ash is often used in the making of magickal wands or healing staffs.  Ash wands are said to be best used in the magick of healing, general, and/or solar magick.  The traditional Yule log is also generally made of Ash.  It is thought to bring light to the hearth during the winter solstice. 

When it comes to the other parts of the Ash tree, they likewise are known for their magical abilities.  Finding an ash leaf with an equal number of sections on both sides of the center vein is considered lucky and often used in the making of love charms.  Finding a double leaf also holds the same attributes.  In older times, if a person  possessed an ash tree on their property they would be unlucky in love if seeds did not appear each year.  The leaf of an ash is also considered to work well in regards to the urging of physic dreams  Other such uses for the ash can also be found in attraction spells, dispelment of negativity, divination (especially with the seeds), and spells used in seeking inspiration.