The Aftermath–Good and Bad

It seems like just the other day that we went to Chicago for Lollapalooza.  Yet it has already been two weeks.  It was wonderful to get away for a few days and even better to be able to go somewhere where the weather was considerably cooler.  We did have to tend with a bit of humidity but that was just fine.  I truly think it was the first time this summer that we actually spent three entire days outside all day long.  For me that alone was the best thing of the whole long weekend. 

The whole event was a blast.  I will say though since we were there a few years back that the number of people attending seemed to grow considerably.  It was the 20th anniversary so that could have had something to do with it all.  It was sold out all weekend which meant that 300,000 total were present each day, not to count the few that managed to sneak in one way or another.  Despite the crowdedness it was still fun.  The first day was the best as many had not gotten off of work yet and it did not seem to be as hard to find a good spot to just relax and listen to music.  Also of course Muse played Friday evening.  I was bummed as they put Muse and Coldplay up against one another.  Yet in the end my loyalties won out and I was smack in the middle for the Muse concert.  As always they were great and I was not disappointed with my choice at all. 

The rest of the weekend was filled with acts like Flogging Molly, Foo Fighters, Manchester Orchestra, Celo Green, Foster the People, and so many more.  We stayed at the Hard Rock which was nice yet it was also where many of the bands stayed.  Needless to say it was much like grand central station there at times, especially in the evenings.  If I had been a mere 20 years younger I probably would have enjoyed it much more. 

The only downfall of the whole weekend was the morning we came home.  In our drive to the airport of course we were stuck in morning traffic.  I managed to leave my camera in the cabbie when we got out at the airport.  I realized it immediately and we called the Cabbie Co first thing.  Although we made valiant efforts, we did not retrieve it.  I was depressed for days as my camera had become a bit of an appendage for me.  I lost all my photos from the weekend as well as some family photos I had shot before we left.  I will say that I was a bit upset about the honesty of people after it was all over.  We called immediately after we exited.  The cabbie had told us that because of the traffic he would just go down to arrivals at the airport and get his next fare there.  It would have been so easy to retrieve the camera then.  And even if he decided otherwise reporting it found would have likewise been as easy.

Sometimes I feel like I give too much credit to others that I just assume they will do the right thing.  Although also I do not want to become so cynical that I don’t trust anyone and look suspiciously at any who may give me a funny feeling.  I know that we live in rough times these days. Because of that it can lend some to do things that in other situations they may not even consider doing.  I also know that I have to accept that there are some who will do such things despite right or wrong.  I just tell myself that for some reason of which I will never know that maybe he needed it more than I.  Maybe in some way the possession of my Nikon D80 will aid him in a way that it did not not aid me.  I miss the rabbit charm that hung from the handle of my camera case almost as much as the camera.  I had received it from a friend in Ireland.  It was hand made with green stones and a pewter bunny at the end.  It was my good luck charm or at least it was suppose to be.  Yet no use crying over spilt milk.  It is what it is…

 

Mother Moon

Early Morning Sundays - Be Yourself

To be nobody but yourself

in a world

that is doing its best

to make you just like everybody else,

means to fight the greatest battle

there is to fight and never stop fighting.

 

E.E. Cummings

Justice – Is it Always the Same?

What is justice? I ask myself this question at times when I see the court system come to a conclusion that by the facts that I see does not sound rightfully fair. The only encounters I have personally had with the court system are that of my divorce experience in 1997. It was not a good experience. But honestly divorce is something that is not a good gage to use when one is judging the accuracy of the system. It is too easy to come out with "bad" feelings.

Yet when it comes to the criminal system sometimes I wonder. Recently a case was tried in the state of Oklahoma that drew much attention. A local pharmacy was burglarized by two young boys. In the encounter one of the young men was shot and later died. The pharmacist, the one who shot the 16 year old was charged with murder and last week his trial finally was held.

Now to hear this story one would say that it is an open and shut case. The pharmacist was obviously shooting in self defense and of course should not be charged with murder. Yet when you hear all the details, and in turn really listen and watch all the details it is hard to not understand why he was charged in the manner he was.

The boy who was shot was 16 year old Antiwun Parker; A young black boy who participated in the attempted robbery with another young man. They entered the pharmacy as the other young man had his weapon drawn and Parker attempted to pull a mask over his head. At this time the pharmacist 57 year old Jermone Ersland pulled out the weapon he kept behind the counter and shot at the two young men. A bullet struck Parker in the head. He fell to the floor unconscious as the other boy ran out the door. All of this was caught on surveillance video so it cannot be disputed.

If this had been the story's end still I would see how a self defense verdict would be the obvious outcome. He was only protecting his store and himself. How could anyone think otherwise. Yet the story does not stop here.

After shooting Parker, Ersland comes out from behind the counter and walks out the front door. He attempts to follow the man who had been armed and ran from the store. At this time he shoots his weapon two more times. He then returns to his store walking past Parker who is lying motionless on the floor from the gunshot wound he received in the head earlier. Ersland then goes behind the counter and retrieves a second gun. He walks up to Parker who still is lying on the floor and commences to shoot him five additional times in the abdomen.

As the trial began to get underway, many people were outraged at the fact that he was being tried at all. Even after the surveillance video was shown over and over on the evening news many still defended his actions. When the trial drew to a close and the guilty verdict was read, the same outrage came once more. They called him hero, protector, and so on.

For the last two years as this trial has went down its rocky road of stories being changed, judges being dismissed and all the other issues that befell it in an attempt to draw the final outcome out, the evidence was obvious. Protecting ones home, work, or self is one thing. Intentionally shooting someone an additional 5 times after they were initially shot and stopped with a head wound, lying on the ground unconscious and not threatening in any way is a totally different story. But then that is my own opinion. I have attached the surveillance video so that you can watch it yourself and make your own conclusion.

For once I agree with the conclusion that the court came to. For once it appears that justice really was fair and just despite the pressure from some to steer it in other ways. Then why are so many outraged at this? And why do so many feel that he was justified in the actions that he took. Some may say race played a part, perhaps I am not sure. Yet I would have the same feelings regardless if the boy was black, white, red, yellow, or green. Why is it so easy for so many to feel otherwise. I guess I am just looking for some sort of explanation.

I promise to be back soon with my more upbeat bright sunny stories. This was just something that was heavy on my heart and mind and I felt I needed to share.

Que Sera Sera

A while back I talked to you about the fact that this was my 50th year of life. I went on and on about how I was going to make the best of this year and do the things I wanted most. I spoke of the vigor I had, not only for life but also in energy and such.

I am wondering today where all that vigor has gone... I know I am getting older and I guess in some ways I have not or maybe do not want to actually face some facts.

I can no longer run the 50 yard dash as fast as I used to.

I bruise now when they take my blood at the doctors;

plus it is harder to find the vein to even take it in the first place.

I can no longer stay out to all hours of the night, drink myself into a stupor and get up and go to work the next day.

Weight is becoming my enemy. When I young I had the pleasure of being able to eat anything and everything I wanted with little recourse. I am well aware of where it is now.... My sizes tell me quite loudly. And losing it is not as easy as it once was.

Where I once tolerated my big melons when I was young even though they were cumbersome and often in the way, I have grown to dislike them intensely and want to trade them in for a smaller pair.

One would think that I had quite the negative attitude with all these statements. I will admit that there are times when I would not mind simply going to sleep and waking up when this was all over. Despite what some may think I am not always little sally sunshine. I will also admit that I do not like getting old or at least some of the things that it brings with it. But such is life and really it doesn't matter what I like or don't like.... it is what it is...

Yet I will admit that aging has also given me some awakenings that I was too blind to see when I was younger.

I don't need to run the 50 yard dash in record time. I never really was a track star anyway.

Although I bruise when I give blood, I do not have to do it often as I rarely go to the doctor unless it is for my allergies or to refill a prescription that has expired.

I never was one for staying out all night and getting snockered. A leisurely glass of wine on my back porch is really all I need. Unless of course it is a Muse concert. Then I seem to find the energy somewhere down deep and I could stay up dancing all night long.

I do not have to worry about my weight as much as when I was young. I caught the man I have wanted all these years and he loves me just like I am. And anyway if I finally do go through with saying farewell to the sisters that have been with me since Jr. High (way too early for big boobs, especially back then) the number that comes up on the scale will definately decrease. I know this why? Because a couple years back when I had the biopsy on my right breast, it was just a little piece and I could tell the difference.

When I turned 40 I remember talking to a woman about all the changes that seemed to be occurring to me after my 40th birthday. She only chuckled and said...

You think 40 is bad... wait til you turn 50.

Que Sera... Sera...

Preparing For What Is To Come

I glance out the window next to me and see the stillness of the day. The surface of the pond appears as glass except for the occasional ripple from a frog as it slowly meanders in search of a morning meal. The willows hang themselves out over the edge appearing to attempt to dip their slender arms into its coolness. An occasional bird lands to sit upon the welcomed perch and sing softly into its ear. It is a lazy day to say the least. The dew settled heavy this morning giving everything an appearance of tiny diamonds shimmering in the morning sun as it rose from the east. Spring has definitely sprung yet is not in too big of a hurry to welcome the heat of summer.

Cool evenings and damp days have been the norm. The newly planted flowers as well as the others whose seeds were sown in the years before seem to welcome this time of wait. Their roots push down into the soft earth to grab hold and prepare for the warmer temperatures they know will come in time. They drink the cool water of the morning dew as well as wash themselves in the soft slow showers that are a frequent guest at this time. Their faces turn with the warmth of the sun as it comes up each morning and crosses the sky to eventually set in the west and once again take its nightly rest.

It is a time of preparation. It is a time that is as important as the coldness of winter when they return to the warmth of the earth to sleep until a time of awakening. It is a time that is as important as the harvest of autumn when they prepare for such a sleep. Spring, although it is a time when the earth wakes and once again brings forth new life covering the land once again with an array of vibrant colors, is a time to prepare. A time to prepare for the growth that will take place as time passes; A time to prepare for the possibility of days when the heat is harsh and the cool showers that fall now are not seen as often.

So although the days seem slow and somewhat lazy much is happening that we cannot see. I walk my morning walk and take notice of the unseen actions. Likewise I feel the stir in myself. Nature is a wonderful place to recognize the many gifts that are given to us each day… each moment. It has a perfect manner of helping one to see the small things that occur at any given time that help to form this wonderful thing we call life. Mother Nature is forever working, seldom taking a break to rest or a moment to cease her endless call to tend her gift to us. Likewise we should be aware of the continuous effect we ourselves have as we move through this world each day. Do we take notice to the effects our actions or lack thereof has on our surroundings.

Does it matter what footprint you leave as you walk through your life each day. It is something that too often we do not even ponder on occasionally. With each decision we make or don’t make we have left a piece of ourselves. As each piece falls and slowly accumulates what will it create? Will it take root and grow into something that is beautiful or will it be something that hinders growth and restoration?

Tis the Season

Yes, I know my picture is big, I intended it that way.  It just seemed to need to be that way.  Yesterday I posted in a manner in which I am not accustomed.  It had been gnawing at me for some time yet me being the kind that does not like to wear my feelings or my issues (past or present) on my sleeve for the world to see; I kept putting it off.  It is a scary thing to place yourself out there defenseless in a sense.  Allowing others to see the soft underbelly of yourself.  Knowing that with such information others now know a piece of your achilles heel.  Yet time lended itself to doing so and I finally gave into my urges.

So many of you came back with such heartfelt comments.  Some of you were a bit honest yourselves and shared some similiar feelings or experiences from your past or present.  And some of you brought tears to my eyes with the manner in which you expressed yourselves. 

Yule is a time of quiet reflection.  A time when we have turned into ourselves after the harvest of the previous month.  A time after giving thanks for all that we had come our way in the past year.  The slowness of this time can not help but bring one to look at themselves.  This has been my course this last few months.  As I have stated in previous posts, my time of change had always been spring.  Yet this year, fall and winter seem to have taken over this task.  Truly if I were honest, I would admit that this whole year has been a constant evolution of change. 

I remember this time last year, my thoughts towards the coming year of 2009 were hard to read.  I could see only black yet I had this reassuring feeling that it was nothing to fear.  It was a feeling that things would be bleak yet there would be nothing to worry about and I need not get overwhelmed about the change that would happen.  And true to my vision that is exactly what occurred.  My world was turned completely around.  My grandkids moved and left a void that I did not realize until it occurred.  Vincent's work slowed to the crawl of a snail .  Other occurances happened also;  most of which I was not expecting  yet still I never worried.  There was always this calmness in me. 

I worked through my empty nest with my grandkids and realized that it was only a transition in our relationship.  The closeness would not disappear only take on a new face with new facets.  We had shared the early years and our bond had been forged.  The time that Vincent was not working allowed us to become closer in a new way.  We realized the likeness we both shared that before, time did not allow us to explore.  This time also allowed me to look hard at myself.  I no longer had many of the distractions  or excuses as before to keep be from doing so. 

I began to see myself simply as me... Not a mother, not a grandma, but as a woman who once again was on her own (save the wonderful company of Vincent).  I began to think of my passions, my desires, my wants and it began to excite me...fall came and went and winter is fast approaching, I find myself once again looking ahead at the new year. The beginning of November beckoned in another cycle and I can feel its newness.  The blackness that shrouded the previous year is lifting and there is light in the distance. 

Today is a new beginning. Not only in regards to myself, yet also for each one of you and the billion of others that walk this world. It is an opportunity to change, to do more, to do less, to follow that which is so strongly calling your name. The choice falls equally on each of us. No one has more, no one has less of the ability to do any of what is laid before them.

That was the first paragraph I wrote when I began Mother Moon back in July of this year.  Much has  happened in those 6 months.  I have made many new friends.  Friends that have helped me to see that which I was unable to see before; many without even realizing it.  I have come to realize that I truly do have a purpose and the abilities to complete that purpose.  I have grown in strength and stamina regarding my beliefs and that which I feel so strongly to be calling me.  I have always been a believer in fate and that there are things that are destined to occur, it is just our choice to decide how we deal with the opportunities.  

I by no means consider myself arrived; I think I have just learned how to ride the ride a little better than before.  I look forward to the ventures that are in store for me; the new people I will meet, the opportunities that will come my way good and bad, and the lessons that will be learned by each one.  Sounds more like a new years post yet in a way it is.  Thank you to all of you who have shared with me, cried with me, laughed with me, and just been with me.  I wish you all a very blessed Yule.  I hope that regardless of your surroundings that you feel the warmth of friends and family and the precious gift of love.  And know that although it may sound cliche I am here for you.  An ear to listen and a heart to care.  Take care and have a wonderful weekend. 

Who Is Your God?

It seems that at of late I have ran across many blogs dealing with the issue of Christianity vs. Paganism.  I have read and commented on most of these writings yet truly do feel inspired to write my own.  Thus here goes.  I know that this is an extremely sensitive subject to both sides as well as to those who feel somewhat stuck in the middle.  I think I feel my empathy for the middle people the most as they are not truly accepted by either side entirely.  Somewhat like being a mixed spiritual follower.... You are not considered Christian and you are not considered Pagan.  I remember when I first decided to start Mother Moon.  This is one of the issues that drove me to see its need.  I grew up in Rural Oklahoma.  One can not get anymore Bible belt than that.  There was a Southern Baptist church on every corner.  Ok I am embellishing the truth somewhat but you get what I mean.    Alternative beliefs were something that were greatly shunned upon and anyone known to be dabbling in such things was immediately marked.  No you didn't necessarily have a  W plastered on your chest but being a small town the word got around... And the bad thing about the word getting around anywhere is that it never is the same two times in a row. 

I did not grow up in what would be considered a "church home" yet it was the church where I received much of my early belief system.  I will say this, that although I grew up in the church, I questioned it constantly.  Especially when I realized that people were telling me one thing and they themselves were doing the opposite.  At an early age (4 to be exact) I started to question everything that was told to me.  I did not accept anything based simply on the fact that it was what my Sunday School teacher told me.  I wanted to understand it for myself.  I wanted to experience it for myself.  I wanted to live it myself.  I wanted it to be personal and mine. 

Eventually due to this thought process and the fact that I had come to conclusions that were not in tune with their teachings I fell away from the "church" yet not necessarily away from God.  I do not claim to know what is the truth and what is not.  I do not think anyone can.  I do know though that this world is too vast and intricate to not have a creator.  Or at least that is my thought process. 

My God has been with me since I can remember.  I have received comfort, wisdom, solace, strength, and so much more from my God.  I have been shown my God best through nature and all that surrounds me that is true and real.  Not made from man's hands or even from his mind. Although I will say that there has been some grand inventions and words and music wrote that stir my soul to no end.  I experience my God best when I am in nature.  The trees speak to me as only they can.  The wind cradles me and rocks me gently.  Tears fall from the sky to cleanse me as well as to invigorate me.  The sun shines on me and warms my soul.  This is my God.  The animals as they frolic in the woods, the flowers as they bloom and lend their fragrance to the day.  The beauty of a clear clean night when the moon is full.  Sometimes my God is a she; a mother who holds me in her arms and gently sings me to sleep.  Sometimes my God is a man; who helps me to see the folly of my ways and lends wisdom to help be once again walk the right path. 

I do not claim to know or completely understand your God or their God, her God, or his God.  Yet I beleive that as real as my God is to me... yours is likewise to you.  We all walk our own path in an attempt to take that journey that only we ourselves can truly take.  No one is capable of doing it for us then telling us this is how it is.  We must experience it on our own.  I can not see why anyone would want one to do it for them and then miss out on the delight of the experience.  I am not sure what to call myself... I only know that I am a believer..... And it is like I always say... Believing is half way there. 

Rule of Three

Bide ye the Rule of three ye must,

In Perfect Love & Perfect Trust.

Eight Words the Rule of three fulfill

And it Harm none, Do as ye will

Lest in Self Defense it be,

Ever mind the Rule of Three

Follow ye this Mind & Heart

Merry ye Meet & Merry ye Part

The Rule of Three has several variations. Each one in some way fitting a bit more comfortably with the one who prefers it written in that manner. However this is a rule that can and probably should be used by all, thus the translation above is used. Not necessarily does one have to follow Wicca to hold these words close to heart.

How grand of a world it would be if we all were to abide by the Rule of three. Our actions and words being carefully considered before we exhibit them. Verifying that to our knowledge no harm will come to anyone because of them. Unfortunately life is not so. We do not have the ability to control anyone lest ourselves.

To many this rule and/or law refers to a warning for anyone who may be considering to pass bad energy whether in the form of magic or other on to someone else. It warns that the repercussions would be three fold of whatever one projected towards another. When I first learnt of this rule it fascinated me as I tried to implement it. If one abides by its guidance, and in an honest manner, it is quite difficult to justify any wrong doing towards anyone, no matter how tempted we may become. The simple attempt to abide by it alone can alleviate many situations that may have other wise not been avoided.

Many will notice the reference to the exception of self defense. Not all renditions of this rule include this reference, however I have chosen to include it. Mainly because I think it is important to emphasize that this is not a rule that says one should roll over when injustice is done to them. On the contrary, I believe that when negativity is given to one that considering the situation, one should respond accordingly. This is consideration for the entire situation. A response and not a reaction. Meaning an action taken after reflection and not immediately in haste and strong emotion. I have found that dealing with such times in this manner will not only make the result more fair and just, it may detour it all together. Forgiveness is something that is often found in quiet times of reflection when we look at something not necessarily from solely our own eyes, yet the many perspectives that may be involved.

The message can be found in many variations. Examples of such are that of Hinduism's Karma concept, Christianity's Golden Rule, Wicca's Rule of Three and many more. All emphasize the need to think before we act. To understand that a consequence, whether good or bad, comes with each action we choose. It challenges us to be more diligent as we walk the path laid before us. To become more aware of our surroundings and the energies that may be coming from us. Many choose to not acknowledge the power they may have simply by the words that come from their mouths or the manner in which they conduct themselves.

A simple exercise... a conscious effort to stay aware of the Rule of Three. No, perfection is not a possibility however, it is something that should be our goal.

Blessings

Raelin