Friday, August 6, 2010

Life Six Years Ago - Part One

Six years ago I lost someone who was very special to me. As in most cases you don’t really realize just how important someone or thing is until they are gone and you realize the gap that is left in your life from that point forward. It was a sudden occurrence. Something that was completely unsuspected and no warnings were given at all. I would like to say it was a terrible accident and in some strange way a bit of myself could possibly blame the tragedy of such an act on something or someone else yet it was not.

It was like any other August day, hot and eventful. I had spoken to my sister the night before as we had done on most Sunday evenings before the start of the next week. We would discuss our prior week and also the week to come and what wonderful things we had in store. At this time in our lives the events that came about were not necessarily the most wonderful; which made the conversations even that much more meaningful. She had recently gone through a rough divorce with a man that I know she still was very much in love with. As with any breakup of a relationship it was a long story. She had not taken the whole ordeal well and struggled with many of the aspects of the results of such a mess.

She had not been feeling good as of late yet she wrote much of her strain and stress off to the remnants of the ordeal she was going through. Yet the last week she was even more tired and lacked the energy to even do the simplest things. Yes, depression can do such things to you we both knew yet it seemed that possible there was something else that may be occurring and it would not hurt for her to have herself checked out just for safety purposes. She had made an appointment with the doctor the following Monday and was giving me the details. We chatted further about other trivial matters then promised to speak the next evening.

Of course all the usual things were spoken between us. The promises were made to call the next day; as well as the I love yous. The next day went as usual. I went to work and had a typical Monday morning, slow to start and blah as most Mondays were. I remember taking work home that evening because the day was so busy. I was working on my “homework” when I received the phone call. It was from my mother. Now a phone call from my mother was unusual in itself as she is not one to call out of the blue. I picked up the phone and the voice I heard on the other end was shaky to say the least. She kept saying my name yet nothing else.

Eventually another person came on the phone and simply said the words, Rosie is gone she is not with us no more. I did not know what to say and the coldness of the person who gave me the news that my oldest sister had just passed struck me like a 2 x 4 being swung up against my head. I asked for details yet the cold response continued. My mother was in no shape to discuss any of the current developments so I was simply left with she is gone. As I hung up the phone I sat in silence, dumbfounded and alone.

I had attempted to call my sister earlier on my way home from work to talk about the results of her dr. visit as I drove home yet received no answer. I assumed that I could chat with her later in the evening and get all the details then. That possibility was no longer there anymore.

I would later find out that she had gone to the doctor for her appointment yet never made it in to see him. On her check in with the receptionist, she had gone to the bathroom before she went in to see him. She was found some time later passed in a restroom stall. She had been there for some time and at the immediate time of her discovery it was unsure of what her cause of death was. It would be months before we found out that she was riddled with cancer inside and all of it had finally caught up with her. I think also that because of many of the things that had transpired in her life (the divorce especially and the loss of the man she truly loved) had left her with a feeling of no longer wishing to fight.

Did she know about any of this? No one really knows if she did. If she did she never let on to any of those around her; not to her friends, family, ex husband, or even her four grown boys. Yet Rosie was a fighter and someone who would not have troubled others with her tragedy especially if it were something that she felt would have brought them down or worried them; even more still if it were something that there was nothing that could have been done about it.

23 comments:

apinkdreamer said...

i'm so touched from your story! i'm really sorry about your loss!

Merry ME said...

All I can think of to say is this quote by J.M. Barrie.
"God gave us memory so that we might have roses in December." It seems to go along with your photos.

Linda in New Mexico said...

Janie: I am so sorry for your loss. I know it is belated but still, please know I feel so empty for you. It is so hard to get past anniversary dates that hold such emotion. Loving thoughts are speeding your way.

Judy said...

So sorry for your loss...and such a way to lose her...

Debra She Who Seeks said...

Hugs to you today. Life can change so quickly, in an instant. We never remember that until it happens. Thanks for reminding us again.

faerwillow said...

~heartfelt tears are dripping down my face...i know sorry does no justice but that i am...your post is raw and deeply felt...to step out and share this with us takes alot...i am thankful for thee...life is always full of the unknown...unexpected and can leave us with so many questions unanswered...i have come to know we need not always know the reason but accept what was and be thankful for what we did have...this comes at a time when we are brinking on the first year since my father in law passed from cancer...time heals but never replaces...janie...blessing always with you...peace within your heart and comfort in your mind that she flies above...free of pain...l♥ve to you~

greekwitch said...

I do not have any siblings but my whole life i wished for one. I can only imagine the pain. Your story was very intense. I am truly sorry for your loss.

AkasaWolfSong said...

Oh Janie...I am holding you close to my heart right now...I am so sorry to hear of this sharing. How difficult it must be to relinquish a Sister Love like that.

Your picture shared is worth a million words Dear Woman...

I am sure your Sister looks down upon You with Love.


Holding You Close Sister Dear!
Blessings...
xoxoxo

Wendy said...

Losing someone to a "natural" death whatever that means is hard enough but when depression and a life threatening illness is in the picture and a person is just in too much pain anymore to live, than the loss is doubly hard. I am so sorry Janie for you not having the chance to continue to have the long-lasting relationship with a sibling you so obviously cherished. May the angels of peace, love, faith and comfort bless you.

Born of Fire said...

Im sorry to hear of your loss.. Losing family is so very hard.. When I read your story it reminded me of something I read by the poet Javan. I thought you might like it..

"The pain we feel
When someone leaves our life
Is in direct proportion
To the joy they bring
While a part of our life"

Mother's Moon's Message said...

such kind words from so many... thank you so much... yet please remember this is a continuous story ....

Ellie (Phoenix-Lily) said...

I'm so very sorry about your loss. My heart goes out to you and many many hugs.

audrey said...

Jsnie...
What a beautiful love you shared with your sister and how wonderful that you have memories of times shared with her.
Death is part of life here on earth and it is never easy. I am sorry for your loss.
I can't help but wonder what "Part II" will tell us.
BTW, Winston is adorable.
♥ audrey

Eliza said...

oh that's so sad :-(

VintageSage said...

Oh my word, I had chills run through me as I read your post. I am SO, so sorry for your loss. :( I have a very good friend who is battling cancer right now and it's so hard to see and hear. *sigh* Waiting for the next installment in the story! xoxo

Illustrated Ink said...

Janie, as you know from reading my blog post about losing my beloved cat so suddenly, I've been thinking about the very things you talked about in this post. I'm so deeply sorry your sister is gone from your life. Thinking of you and sharing in your loss.

Teresa said...

Blessings to you on this difficult day. It is wonderful that you had a good relationship and always let each other know how much you cared. It sounds like a truly special bond between you.

mxtodis123 said...

Hugs to you my dear friend. I can feel your pain. Like Greekwitch, I was an only child so I can only imagine.
Mary

Bogaman said...

Thanks for sharing that part of you. I know it helps to talk about things like this. Losing someone close is never easy. It reminds us of our own mortality and also reminds us to be more diligent about showing how much we care for our loved ones. X.

JoyceAnn said...

Sending you a warm hug and look forward to hearing the rest of the story.

~ Blessings ~

~Onreeone~ said...

Thank you for sharing the beginning of this story. May I ask how old your sister was when she was taken? Do you really think there was a possibility that she knew, because reading this post and how close the two of you were, I cannot imagine her keeping that from you. Bless you my sister~and write it all out. They say that time heals old wombs, but I don't believe that. I miss my people that have gone on before me and the longer their gone, the more I miss them. Thankfully all I have to do is think about them and they, I know are with me. Blessed Be- Your Friend Angie

Rue said...

I don't know what I'd do without my brother. You never really think about such things until you hear a story like this. I'm going to make an extra effort to spend more time with him.

Thank you for your open heart.

Dede said...

Oh Janie, I am so very sorry for the loss of your sister and friend. I can only imagine the pain. Wishing you a tranquil day! Going to get tissues now....

(((HUGS)))